by TRANSFORMATIONAL LIFE-COACH RIMA DESAI
Tag Archives: love
REFINE YOUR DESTINY ~ KARM(a) THEORY
Please note that the original term is KARM, not KARMAS (western version). Hence you will see me use the term Karm or Karm(a)s often in the text today.
Did you know that 2019 has been one of the most potent year of our generation, astrologically speaking. Have you found this year to be exceptionally challenging? The two karmic planets in Vedic / Sidereal Astrology made a huge impact in our lives this year.
2019 to 2022 is one of the most popular time for Vedic Astrologers since some of transits happening in the sky have never happened in our millennium! As I made my astrology video on Saturn-Ketu (South Node) conjunction in Sagittarius, one of my viewers emailed me, asking me to make a video on how to repay our karmas? What a wonderful question! I’d love to answer that today.
What is KARM(a) exactly? Karm in the Indian language means ‘Action’ or ‘Deed’. However, karm is not our outward action alone. Karm is also our inward action. What does this mean?
This means that every thought which is generated from our belief systems and perceptions and the intentions behind our actions make up karm as well. A collection of Karm over time makes up our destiny. In other words, the larger, intense, transformative life experience we have in our current birth are often an expression of our ‘BANKED’ karma from many previous life times.
TYPES OF KARM(a)s
There are 4 main types of Karmas:
- Sanchit Karm(a)s: The full range of karm collection for an individual soul, until current day
- Prarabdh Karm(a)s: Karms that have matured or ripened from the bank of sanchit karms. Not all karms ripen at the same time. Karms ripen when they are ready to give their fruits. (Just like our Fixed Deposits or Investments have a maturity time).
- Kriyaman Karm(a)s: The karms that we are creating by our thoughts and deeds in the present moment
- Agam Karm(a)s: Karms that are yet to mature or manifest in the future
The Two Karmic Planets
Saturn and Ketu (South Node) are the two karmic planets in Vedic Astrology. Saturn ruling the sign of Aquarius (along with North Node Rahu) and Ketu co-ruling the sign of Scorpio along with Mars are the two most important planets responsible in giving us the fruits of our Sanchit Karms. They govern the painful, deep teachings or transformative experiences in our life. I would not call them negative planets. After all, they help us REPAY our pent up karmic debt and help our soul progress towards a higher state of existence!
7 ways to repay our karmic debts
- Surrender to our destiny – The painful experiences, people, and events in our life are often the culmination of our Prarabdh karms. e.g. people we trust the most betray us or money we lose when unexpected, being or feeling abused, etc. Those people are merely ‘nimit’ (means / medium) to have our ‘karm phal‘ (fruits of our karms) reach us. Should we surrender to our lord, destiny and life then, humbly accepting our karmic lessons, we are able to resolve that debt much more easily and avoid further entanglement.
- Penance – Repenting for known and unknown deeds that inflicted pain to another is one of the most powerful way to repay our karmic debts. When we are pain we often say to ourselves that we haven’t done bad to anyone but truly if we were to remember and list the rude words, actions and harmful deeds we have done to the planet, animals, people in all our life years and the hurt it caused in their heart and soul even if momentarily (often lasting very long), we will surprise ourselves.
Jainism propagates asking for forgiveness from every single living being on the planet with true intention (Intention is everything, words mean nothing to the universe if our intention is not aligned!). I highly recommend Landmark Forum’s activity where they ask us to go back to our parents, siblings, ex lovers, friends, everyone we know who we have felt hurt by us and who we feel deeply have hurt us. No matter how much we justify to ourselves that the apology is not required or may not be received well, in reality it is what some people in our lives have been waiting for years. I did that activity with over 18 people in my life and found not only how long they had kept the hurt within but also how much I mattered to them! By healing my heart and theirs as well, it brought massive spiritual shifts for me as well as them!
- Voluntarily Repay – We can take charge and do what it takes to repay the debt even if painful. E.g. if we have not returned someone’s belongings or money, even after years into it, we can go ahead and finish that circle of debt or serving other needy people to repay old debts we held towards others. Another example is – if we have had difficult people in our lives, know that our karm is often calling attention to healing that life experience from this birth or past. Taking the lead to do what it takes to heal the relationship can help you repay the debt at least from you end. If the other person doesn’t receive or respond it, that’s their incomplete debt, but you having done your part, complete your end of the duty! Remember, the universe hears and sees our intentions, every single second!
- Life-Coaching, SRT, Hypnotherapy – The power of the subconscious mind, opening our Akashic records and emotionally changing our life-stories / emotional lifestyle is huge! By strengthening our mind emotionally, we build mental resilience, learn to be humble and dissolve old soul contracts that are unhealthy. You will find that by seeking these services, a massive shift entails not only in your vibrational message but heals the core existence of everyone around you.
- Deeds of Service – Serving the needy, diseased or underprivileged people with physical deeds of service (preparing, distributing, serving food or visiting them, spending them with them, sharing affection, etc.) helps with the blessings that can dissolve tough karms. Remember though that the universe notices our intention. If our intention to help is to receive recognition, name or fame, then our deeds are credited towards karmic backlog.
6. Godliness aka Virtuous Living – need I say more about this? The emphasis of visiting a place of worship, worshiping a Godly figure, etc. is to build a virtuous character, so as to proceed towards more and more intentional living and humble expressions of ourselves. By being humanitarian or simple in our existence, we simplify the perceptions we hold towards life and difficult times. It builds our inner resilience and appreciation of life however it is!
7. Blessings from an Enlightened Soul – Last but not the least, there is an uncanny ability of karmic debts being resolved with the blessings of a highly enlightened soul. When priests / gurus that are truly humble, highly spiritual and sorted in their existence, they are able to perish the negativity we hold in our energetic stamps of life. It is like having a strong antidote to a virus.
How did you like this post? Did it add to your knowledge and understanding of karm(a)s? What would you like to add to it? Please contribute and hear my video, soon to be attached below.
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KEEP THE SPARK ALIVE!
Do you find it hard to express your love to your loved ones? This post is for you!
Isn’t it amazing to have good friends in our life, no matter how far they are! I was having this heart to heart conversation with a very close friend and discovered something new about her!
Expressing OUR LOVE for our partner / spouse is crucial in any stage of the relationship. Taking each other for granted in known or unconscious ways, is often what distances or breaks a relationship.
Here are some quick tips to keep the romance bursting in your LOVE LIFE. Pick whatever suits you best. These are just some suggestions. Tweek them as you like, pick 1 or 2 that suits you best or use them all!
– SAY IT WITH FLOWERS: Yes, flowers are awesome and they are not just a lady’s pal. Flowers can refresh a relationship and a stressful day. Once you keep the stress away, lots of smile are coming you way 😁
– SURPRISE THEM: Got a surprise dinner planned or an outing to their favorite place or maybe even a small getaway? For most people, it leads straight to the heart!
– MAKE A NOTE: Post its or a chalk board, whatever you have to simply write ” I LOVE YOU” or “YOU MEAN THE WORLD” is a simple but powerful way to reignite some magic.
– GET A GIFT: Gifts don’t have to be extravagant, unless of course🤪 your partner is explicit about it. Remember, men love gifts too. A wallet, a pen, coasters, cuff lings, a shirt, their favorite coffee, a beer mug, call it a day!
– THE SOUND OF MUSIC: Music has healing powers. Get to know their favorite songs, bands or musicians and treat them for a at home concert (play their fav music), date a concert (part of surprises maybe?) or buy them the perfect play in the car playlist. Maybe add some dancing to a musical, romantic day.
– CARDS, CARS, OURS! – Give them a greeting card on their bday, when they are unwell or to thank them for their lovely gestures. Go for a drive in the car (You drive them, give them a break!) and spend time ALONE (let them know, you planned alone time just for them!).
– COOK IT UP: Take a day to COOK ONLY THEIR FAVORITE FOOD. Rest of the family can play along at least for a day??!
– There are many other ways to express love. Get creative. Getting too busy with our in laws, children, work, routine, etc. can keep us from remembering that we must invest time, energy and love in our relationship for it to continue to thrive!
HIGH IMPACT STRESS REDUCTION – Step by Step Tutorial by Coach Rima Desai
In this article, I share with you a high impact, highly effective technique to reduce your daily stress. These techniques are quick and easy. They can be practiced on the go – in the shower, at the traffic light, before bed, upon waking up or anytime in the day when you have just 2 minutes. Yes, in just 2 minutes of your day you can transform how your mind and body feels! Read on…
It was the summer of 1997, I was 16 years young, helping an infant fall asleep. The mom was out on a walk and her infant boy woke up in his sleep, I put him on my shoulders, tapped him gently and soothed him back to sleep. After 20 years, I still remember that feeling because it was ‘paradise’ – the sense of fulfillment I got from having a baby in my arms. All I wanted to be then, was a Mom! That dream came true in 2009 when I realized I had a baby growing in my womb.
It feels amazing to be a Mom, from conception to delivery and through the growing years. What we do not know before conception though, is the forever ‘Mommy Stress’ that is to follow. The stress is not just the fact of having kid/s to care for in so many ways, but the family dynamics, the body dynamics, lack of time for self-care and lack of support that comes with it. We are largely still a traditional society. We do not get the freedom to take down time, breathe, live, love and laugh like we would before we were a mom or a wife.
I am a practicing Life-Coach for Women since 2 years now and my core clientele is MOMS. I teach moms from across the world, life-skills and coping strategies to manage, reduce, alleviate stress, depression, anxiety and the constant sense of ‘overwhelm’ that prevails through our life years. All of my clients learn these powerful 2 minute techniques to quickly alleviate stress and feel a deep sense of calm. This is commonly known as ‘Grounding’ or ‘Centering’ in USA. I have received excellent feedback from my clients with my grounding techniques.
WHAT DOES ‘GROUNDING’ MEAN?
Understanding physiology helps add benefit to an activity. Grounding is a technique to connect back to the ‘ground’ or ‘Earth’. We are made of 5 elements: air, water, earth, fire and ethers. Our feelings are held in the heart chakra area in the center of our chest. We process our thoughts in the brain – which is away from the ground/earth. When we are stressed, we are essentially engaged in our ‘thoughts’ or ‘feelings’ – something that is more ‘airy’ in nature or in other words we are moving into our abstract, etheric body, away from the grounding reality of our biological self. The more stressed we get, the deeper we dive into the air, floating element which can give rise to feelings of insecurity, anxieties, worry, feeling unsafe, etc.
By grounding ourselves, we bring our attention back to the physical body, reconnect with the Earth we live on and that brings a sense of security and calm. It also helps us stay in the ‘HERE and NOW’ as vs. in the “What Was” or “What ifs”.
BENEFITS OF GROUNDING
- Immediate stress reduction
- Higher frustration tolerance
- A sense of emotional calm and security
- Better emotional immunity
- Direct impact on health and your relationships
- Increased focus at work
- Being more ‘present’ for your family
- Increased self-confidence
- Great technique to be used in depression, anxiety
- Excellent technique for high stress situations like interviews, exams, difficult situations, etc.
HOW TO GROUND YOURSELF
You need 2 to 4 minutes of your time. If you have more time, you can use upto 10 minutes as well but 2 minutes is enough too. Step 1 to 5 is the shortest grounding technique you can apply. You may continue if you have more time.
- Sit up or stand as straight as you, this helps move energy in a flow, through your central nervous system, creating circulation movements required for healing (that’s why we sit up straight during meditations or lie on our backs).
- Close your eyes
- Take your mind to your breath and notice how you are inhaling and exhaling. Feel the calm in the rhythm
- If there are any thoughts coming to your mind, allow them to pass like passing clouds
- Take your mind to your feet and deeply feel the textures around your feet
- Imagine your worries, thoughts, feelings are like extra clothes on you like a jacket or a robe. Remove the robe/jacket and put it away. You can also imagine your stress to be like falling leaves or rocks that you throw away.
- Bring your mind back your breathing. As you breathe out, imagine releasing all your uncomfortable feelings, fears, worries, feelings of being stuck, sad, angry or burdened and you breathe in, imagine taking in confidence, love, harmony, joy and a sense of safety.
- You may also imagine breathing in your favorite colors for that day in the form of rays or ribbons to add to a sense of comfort and calmness.
- Add your own creativity with a positive focus. E.g.: You may add shimmer around you, rays of white light falling above you.
- There are deeper levels of grounding which you can dive into. HEAR MY SHORT VIDEO TUTORIAL.
HOW OFTEN SHOULD WE GROUND OURSELVES?
Did you know that we are exposed to constant stimulation in so many ways in today’s world. Stimulation means the use of our 5 senses to take in information. We are constantly hearing sounds, seeing movements, feeling textures in the real and reel world combined. We are also unknowingly smelling subtle fragrances and eating at intervals which keeps our sense organs ‘heightened’. Since the sense organs are the gateway to our MIND (emotional body processing), soothing our sense organs. We also take in upto 75,000 thoughts in a day!
By now it must be easy for you to answer this question. We must ground ourselves DAILY, preferably twice or 3ce a day. After all it is a 2 minute activity.
YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS ACTIVITY
Please share your thoughts and experience with this activity. I have seen massive changes in my clients with this simple, highly effective technique. I want you to know that small changes can create big impact. There is one KEY word here: CONSISTENCY. You cannot see an impact by doing this once or twice or without continuous commitment. If we cannot commit 2 minutes to ourselves daily, we are missing out on LIFE. We are losing ourselves to what matters most – our stability, our health, our family, our life!
ALSO READ: HOW TO MAKE PARENTING EASY
Twins in the Whispers of History
Spiritual Leaders in the human world have been raving about the ‘Golden Age’ which started in 2012. All that talk about the earth to be destroyed was actually about the new phase we were to jump on, also called as the ‘Ascension’.
There are some very trans-formative, powerful shifts happening on earth given this much needed spiritual uproar. Twin Flames and all the mysterious excitement around it is one of them. There are truly not many Twin Flames ascending as human selves in close proximity. Those that are, are lucky, are very ‘old souls’ and carry the wisdom that will play a key part in keeping earth ‘alive’ in the coming generations.
While it is easy to confuse a Soul Mate or Karmic Bond with a Twin Flame relationship, a Twin Flame alone can truly mark that difference. In one word it is a SACRED relationship, two souls embodied into ONE. Then that ONE SOUL is given two bodies, one given by the Universe where Souls are bonded for the deepest trans formative exercises of highest self-actualization, almost as close to Godliness as it can get.
Twin Flames (TF) have very strong whirlpool like attraction and affection towards one another. They may be perfect strangers when they meet but the connection is the peak of a deja vu unexplained. That attraction is so hard to resist that like same poles of a magnet, they crave to be together and yet repel each other very quickly.
Twin Flames often look alike when put together and have exactly same or very identical habits, virtues, personality, upbringing, experiences in life, family structures, religious backgrounds and careers. They live what is called as PARALLEL LIVES. This means that what one Twin does, immediately and directly impacts another twin even without any interaction or physical proximity. They may be in two different continents or planets, the energetic power is so intense and inter-coiled that their experiences become magnetic. The ways in which they or their lives are stark antonyms, highlights areas of growth.
In this body, my TF journey started a handful of years ago, in this soul, it started a handful of lifetimes ago. However, this post I do not desire to define more of what a TF is but rather just to ‘express’ who I am, why I am so honored to be where I am in life. The thread of life, as a gift that my TF gave me in the deepest darkest hours of chaos, without ever even physically being present, in communion or his consciousness, is the most invaluable gift my soul has and will ever cherish. Read on…
…I personally believe that Krishna-Radha are the perfect TWIN FLAME examples. Krishna is the highest revered Hindu God and Radha was his eternal love. Krishna’s wife was not known in history but Radha continues to be worshiped and their UNCONDITIONAL bond has set the stone for inspiration for generations. Despite his marriage, his true communion was with Radha, an attraction they both could not resist and was also cherished by humanity at a time when virtues of only one physical bond was an all or nothing phenomenon.
It is the highest soul level relationship one can be in and I feel honored to experience all of it’s major highs and deep lows. This roller coaster relationship is nothing and never short on spiritual Drama as the Universe weaves out it’s yarns seamlessly with no particular direction except one – constant and MANDATORY FORWARD motion IN INTENSE SELF ACTUALIZATION.
A TF relationship forces one to constantly face fears, Insecurities, emotional patterns and spiritual accountability without being physically too proximate to one’s TWIN or too far apart to be able to escape it.
How I have evolved with this Sacred Union is beyond description but people witness that charm and strength. And while I have not conversed with my Twin in exactly 2 years now, we have never been apart in Unison for a single moment. We hear each other’s thoughts, feel each other’s happiness and pain and dance together I’m higher dimensions of existence.
And as the soul seeks more evolution, today I evolved further up digging out deeper fears and learning to be more vulnerable than ever before, even walking rt front of my Twin’s Space without ever knowing if an interaction would be possible or unlikely.
When I met my twin for the first time, I had no clue but life began to stir up all the questions and chaos which I had suppressed within me for ages. Who am I, why am I living a subdued life, defining it with a victim’s eye and allowing it to be a passive experience. I had given in to the ‘have to live’ and ‘have to somehow get through’ with the intense pain. Grief was my word of the day for several years but the more I encountered my Twin, the more it mirrored to me the self-identity I was missing, an invisible scar that sketched out as a 100 broken mirrors poking their sharp edges into a marriage that was loveless, broken, abusive and a life I had become a slave to.
And so I moved, energetically, worked emotionally and grew into something I would have never believed I could. An strong, independent woman leading the light for others now.
Manifestation after all is super easy and that’s why so hard as it requires breaking all boundaries with Vulnerability and learning to stay in the Unpredictability of Life. ~Coach Rima Desai
While Twins go back several life times in history and I have seen so many of those clearly, they THRIVE only by mastering the HERE and NOW – Zero strings attached. No past, no future and in that we continue to be reborn limitless times and each nano second is a new birth of oneself and a MIRROR to one’s TWIN. ~ Rima Desai
And so goes for all Twins reincarnating on Earth with this time of Ascension and Transformation. Remember Krishna-Radha!
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The Whisper of an Invisible Star
“Dear Woman, a Mother is the one who removes the thorns from one’s heart with a whisper of Love. She is the feather that floats you from a drowning sea and the bucket of Love with seamless boundaries.
At the moment you feel guilty for the mistakes you have done, resentful for what you haven’t, angry for what others did to your or sad for what you don’t have, simply lift your head up and walk up to a Mirror. Look at the person in front of you in the eye in that Mirror and say to her –
“For the times when you have been a Mother, for the millions of seconds when you have forgotten your needs for that of your child…
…for the days when you cried alone because you showered smiles at your baby,
…for the nights you awoke worried for someone else’s safety,
…for all that you have selflessly thought and done for your entire family,
…for the times when you haven’t cooked what you loved to fit the joy of the rest,
…for the times when your body hurt and you mustered the courage to go on and
…for a trillion of the billion seconds when you lived up to your duty to be a Mother, you deserve a shower of Love, a bucket of Hugs and Mountains of Flowers
…for you must know that you are not about what you sacrifice, what you feel guilty about, what you did not do right
…for you must care for yourself first, love yourself first, stop always putting the family first
…for you must start showing your children what love truly means, not sacrifice but filling your bucket, appreciating yourself, standing up for yourself, being true to who are and need, making powerful requests and drawing powerful boundaries from the irrational, sacrificial expectations others may have from you.
…for you deserve to be as much a human being as all others, for we must transform what being a woman means and show our children a new future
For today is that day like every other day when you get to Celebrate Who You are – a Mother. For you are the ultimate Angel in someone’s world, for you are the whole and the soul for them, for those little twinkling eyes and hearts you ignite with joy and hope every single day. For if you weren’t here, their world would be Dark and Lonely”.
And for that, just for that, Love Yourself Unconditionally. For you are the Divine, for you are a M-O-M! How lucky that you are, that I am, we are! For not a million dollars can win the innocence we experience every day, in the hearts of the purest, through the smiles of our little Angels.
There are only 2 entities one can pray to. One is God and other is a Mother. While God teaches us Godliness, a Mom executes it every second”. <3
Also read for Mother’s Day:
To do or not to? A Mom’s Eternal ‘Soup’ Opera
SINGLE MOM? MARRIED yet SINGLE??
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, Working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to those feeling very stressed as Moms or having stressful marriages. It may sound funny and yet truly a Mom’s Daily Opera can very well be feeling like they are in a ‘Soup’. Being a Life-Coach for Women (Women Empowerment Coach), I get to see that a lot with my clients. To do or not to do? To say or not to say? To ‘stay’ or not to stay? To prioritize their lives or not? … endless thoughts…
Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, today I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet are Single Moms. I mean that hundreds of moms are the ones taking 80% to 100% of the responsibility of child care and home management. I also talk about the moms who were married and later became Single Moms. I fall more so somewhere in between ;)
It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even lack of freedom of thought! I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!! Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!
WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)
This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …
…An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.
Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb. In the womb, we receive our first teachings about re-living these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass then we pass them on to our children and future generations. Just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, diabetes, etc., it is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and then it gets activated when we encounter it socially.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??
This means serious good news! It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.
Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark! A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.
However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.
It is definitely not easy. It requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.
Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders. Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what we love just as often as we cook what the family loves. Even practices like asking for care from the family when we are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often we will entertain guests can be super helpful in the long run. We receive no productive outcome/s when we just about don’t do that and also keep constantly complaining.
But then there are many women that have been or are being seriously abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve; where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what one does. Some men clearly refuse counseling, mutual discussion or anything to do with healing the relationship. They may be in denial or in defensive mode and may even stay there forever!
Ultimately, you are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart what’s your truth and your sixth sense must be your best advocate. It knows! As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and follow the deep nudge, you are good to go. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant ones too! I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)
A POT OF ADVICE by ME
“The parents who think that they are staying in the marriage only for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.
If we stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then we are showing our children that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That to me, is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness!Killing our happiness by the fear of society or the fear of our children’s future is showing and teaching our children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership merely for the Sake of it. Pretence is never healthy.
Stay in a marriage for #Love, #Unity and #Companionship, our children need to see that. If we cannot show our children that, then we must show them LOVE by Being our Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to our children!”
~ Soul Food ~ by Coach Rima Desai ~ Happy Upcoming Mother’s Day!!
WARNING: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! Proceed only if you need all or any of these ;) Watch the VIDEO HERE
Isn’t it surprising how little kids today can use the word ‘stress’ so commonly. Is stress supposed to be in a child’s dictionary? No! But unfortunately, it is the truth of today’s world.
In this fast-paced, highly demanding world, it is easy to become the non-stop robot that does-does-does and never stops. Our bodies and minds have become machines that are constantly working even when we are asleep. No wonder, a lot of dissatisfaction fills us today. We are unable to give our mind and soul the food it yearns – silence and peace.
In my practice as a psychologist, Life-coach and kids mentor, I have found that more Moms and children stressed, depressed and anxious than have ever imagined. The stories you see on Facebook are most often a wonderful Façade. In fact, the best ones you see are the ones ‘hiding’ the most. I have found value in giving Moms quick, short exercises proves way more helpful than advice for meditating or for an entire life-style change all at once. It can be too scary to tell you to stop eating sugar, start sleeping early and keep a healthy routine. We know that most often it’s just not possible. Our day starts at night and goes on till the next night and it’s non-stop ;) Even in sleep we are planning how to go about ‘tomorrow’ and day after and planning 10 years ahead too! Haha. It sounds funny but I understand the stress totally. India, USA, Australia, no matter where we live, we want to give our family the best and yet we forget it is so important to PAUSE, RELAX and even RECEIVE or in other words, GIVE OURSELVES something too – especially time and appreciation.That is called ‘Mom’s Life’ after all. So what then can be the solution?
Here it is – your 5 Minutes to De-stress, 5 Minutes to Heaven! This exercise is a quick 5 minute exercise that can create a HUGE POSITIVE IMPACT quickly. All you need to commit is to do it twice a week. 10 minutes a week! Totally doable! And the best part is that you can do this exercise while bathing, driving, walking, in bed or just about anywhere. This exercise applies to any child 4 years + who is growing developmentally at his or her age level.
I call this exercise ‘THE ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE’. In our non-stop, fast pace, constant GO-GO-GO life we have often forgotten to verbally or consciously express gratitude towards the little things in life. Finding happiness in the small stuff, the fact that we have eyes to read this article, a functional brain to comprehend it, a family to share our joys with, a home to save from the cold weather, foot wear, roads to drive on to go to work, clean water to drink and the list can be a million things. By no means do I mean to reduce the importance of your struggles.
Only you can understand the pain that you are in with all that goes on in your life and yet for a few moments, we can choose to keep that pain aside just for 10 minutes in a WEEK and truly look deep into what our lives would be without all that we had and have! Hope you enjoy the video Moms and give me your take on this one.In what other ways do you express Gratitude towards all that you have?
It is great to know and say that I don’t need to say it, I already feel gratitude and yet it is like the “I Love You” which you love to hear your kids say to you. You know they love you and yet you want to hear it over and again, I do too! In the same way, the Universe wants to know what we love about it, what we are happy to have so that it can keep giving us that and more! Watch my video where I explain this exercise with ease.
Remember: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! And it can be practiced by children too.
Much Love, Rima Desai
My 1st Love & How I Lost A Pot Of Gold
Please note: This is meant to be a fun / funny post just for laughs but with an important message about True Love.
So they say life has its own course, its own say, destiny which cannot be over-ridden and yet they also say that when God showers riches onto you, be sure to take them for it may not rain again. My love story goes something just like that. I was 13, 1994, the typical BEHENJI – I had 2 perfect enemies – MATH & FRENCH. They were always on my mind. I couldn’t sleep, eat or breathe without them! I wonder where did God find the space for a Boyfriend.
I mean I was too naïve to understand the meaning of L-O-V-E or even infatuation. But it was – written – in my destiny: – That I would meet someone super smart, super handsome, with a super I.Q., super sporty, super artistic, all-rounder and someone living super far from me whose home I was destined to visit on the perfectly imperfect Summer. And that one day I would reject it all and walk off from a ‘pot-of-gold’!
So, he proposed to me without any words while his family sat around me, no one realized. My heart skipped 10 beats. It was the perfect age and reason to bid into that infatuation aka LOVE FLU. And then a super sad, long distance, no real relationship began. All the viruses were going to hit us harder now.
We had never held hands, we had no real love thing going on. But we believed it was the Ultimate Love Bug. At least I did. I sent him letters which I realized years later that they probably never reached him – the middle person or the postman seemed to enjoy all my romantic creativity (booohoooo). It just created more distance as I wondered why he never replied and he wondered why I would not wait to marry him.
He had gifted me a beautiful drawing of a ‘dulhan’ waiting at the balcony for her prince to arrive. When I looked at that drawing and heard him tell me to wait 6 years, my thought went something like this – “That is beautiful drawing but you must be out of your mind. I am not W-A-I-T-N-G for any prince charming. I’m dragging you on the horse right now and I am painting it white if it is not. Tell me yes or no!”
What is hilarious is that then he tells me – Have you ever thought how a plane flies? I was like “huh?” What would that mean? It would mean that his super intelligent brain was obsessed with science and technology and he wouldn’t marry me until he fulfills his BIG DREAMS. Bluh, I almost puked. I hated science! I was like OMG, this is getting worse!
So finally after 6 years I did break up, well there was nothing built in the 1st place, we never went out or had any romantic moments, it was just a silly ‘label’ we had given each other. But I still remember the look on his face when I returned all his gifts, letters and drawings. He was very sad and wondered what happened. I was super confused. He never replied to my letters, never held my hand, never took me out and now he was requesting to not break up??
You might think this was the end of the story. No. This is where the funny part of my story and the real sad news begins.
Goddess Laxmi visited me a decade later and said – Rima I had your pot filled with gold. Remember the plane thing your 1st boyfriend had told you? He made his BIG DREAMS come true, he chased them all out and won! Why did you not listen to me??? At age 30, he is now a super-rich, super famous guy and you are still figuring out life! Only if you never rejected his idea of understanding ‘how the plane flies’!!! Hahaha. Well, O no. I did not know Goddess Laxmi was hidden behind that important SCIENCE question. L-O-L ;) Just kidding.
In all good intentions, this is a ‘fun’ post just to make you all laugh. This is the truth and drama of life. My life has always had some crazy, unexpected adventures which feel very hard in the process but later deserve a great laugh. I am glad we departed early because I am the ultimate People Person and he is the ultimate Tech. guy. We wouldn’t make a good match at all.
He now has a beautiful, loving wife and kids. He met his true love and is living a successful life and that makes me super happy to see. LOVE should never be about MONEY or SUCCESS.
Love is all about finding each other’s souls and cherishing the best and worst of each other and life TOGETHER. It is companionship through and through. If you don’t feel that with anyone, don’t try to push through.
We haven’t met since then but have spoken and been sort of in touch. I still admire his talents and what he has achieved is admirable. Here, I can’t share more about him or about his extra ordinary story of perseverance but I can say that he continues to inspire me and the world!
Moral of the Story – Laxmi Ma could be hiding behind any plane or question! Ha ha ;)
12 SIMPLE WAYS TO LOVE OURSELVES AGAIN
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Who were we before our kids were born and even before we got married? Are there just millions of mothers who look at their college or pre-marriage picture and say – “I miss being that”. We would think, it is natural not feel like dressing up once we are moms and it is ok to not look as good because THERE IS NO TIME!!! But really, is that how our life needs to be? Not get enough time to brush our hair, just squeeze in our meals and eat the left-
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