To do or not to? A Mom’s eternal soup opera

SINGLE MOM? MARRIED yet SINGLE??

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to Marriage Solutions and more…

Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, it is a different story by itself. Today, I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet Single Moms – they are the ones talking 80% to 100% of the burden of children and home management or those who were married and later became Single Moms. Earlier I fell in category 1: Married and yet a Single Mom, now I fall more so somewhere in between.

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It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even freedom of thought! I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!! Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!!

 WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)

This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …

An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.

Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb and in this manner we receive our first teachings about reliving these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass them on to our future generations. It is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and something that gets activated when we encounter it socially, just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, etc.

 

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SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??

This means serious good news! It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.

Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark! A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.

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However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.

It is definitely not easy, it requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.

Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders. Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what you love just as often as you cook what the family loves or asking for care from the family when you are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often you will entertain guests. We just about don’t do that and also keep complaining until old age, doesn’t serve the purpose!

And then there are those that are serious abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve. Where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what you do. Sort of also the men who clearly refuse coming to counseling or mutual discussion and talk about all that needs healing. Ask me how that feels! :(

You are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart and what your intuition says is always right. As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and can follow the deep nudge, you are good to know. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant one too. I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)

A POT OF ADVICE by ME: Women & Twin Flame-Coach Rima Desai

The parents who say they are living in the marriage for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.

If you stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then you are showing your children that is that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness. Killing your happiness by the fear of society or the fear of your children’s future is showing your children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership for the Sake of it.

Stay in a marriage for #Love#Unity and #Companionship, your children need to see that. If you cannot show your children that, then show them LOVE by Being Your Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to your children!
~ Soul Food ~ by Women’s Life-Coach Rima Desai

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                 Watch my 6 mins. Video here and tell me if you –  Relate?? 

When Rahu met a Super Star

It is funny how in today’s world of ‘Rahu’ Kaal (The immortal North Node) we consider that a hero who can show much physical strength and power, often shown in movies with special physical powers as that of Spiderman, Ironman and so on. And even though there is emphasis on the internal strength and concentrated energies to activate and sustain those super powers, yet there is just a heavy bodily element there.

The Super Star I am talking about today is nothing like that. He possessed no particular bodily powers and in fact, did not need any. Dated back to 599 B.C. he was and continues to remain one of the most inspiring figures in Indian History. Originally known as ‘Vardhaman’ (birth name), he gained the title of * MAHAVIR (Maha = Super or Great, Vir = Courageous). Thousands of Jain followers bow to Mahavir Bhagwan (Bhagwan = God) on this special day of his Birth (Mahavir Jayanti; Jayanti = Birthday). As per the English calender it fell on April 1, 2018.

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For those who are new to JAINISM- It has been comparatively a small but extremely powerful SECT within the Indian cultural setting. Jains are followers of Jainism – a religion that focuses heavily on liberation of the soul by means of conquering the 5 senses and living a life of renunciation and unconditional love. Lord Mahavir was the 24th, last of the Tirthankars (Guide, Spiritual Teacher) of Jainism in this Era of the Earth’s cycle.

I have been lucky to be born in a highly religious Jain family, a family which owned a Jain Temple in India which was open to public. Not only did we pray diligently, we did several group satsangs (spiritual meetings) and attended religious teachings where we were taught and guided by inspiring stories of Lord Mahavir and other previous Jain Lords.

So What makes Lord Mahavir a Super Hero after all?

Mahavir Bhagwan was born in the city of Vaishali (current day Bihar) in a wealthy, kingly family of King Siddharth and Queen Trishala. The birth of a great man was expected by the 14 auspicious dream symbols his pregnant mom received in her sleep.

 

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Despite having several wordly pleasures and services at his command, he exhibited a kind, virtuous nature and deep respect of his parents since childhood. As per his parents’ wishes he married beautiful Yashoda at a young age and had a daughter with her. Vardhaman had immense love from family, good health and unimaginable prosperity and yet he continued to feel disconnected, detached from all those worldly pleasures. He donated tons and tons of gold and charity with ease to several of his people. 2 years after his parents’ demise, he renounced all his worldly pleasures, prosperity, personal bonds and became a homeless ascetic in the search for TRUTH and ENLIGHTENMENT.

For 12.5 years after that he spent his life in a single piece of cloth (to give up sensual pleasure, Jainism taught giving up all that belonged to one’s senses and using the bear minimum needed for survival), with no other bodily belongings (no shoes, no jewelry, no possessions or belongings) and deeply meditated in the jungles with silence and discipline. His massive courage was depicted by his unconditional patience and kindness towards animals, humans and demons who made every attempt to harm him and break his indomitable meditative pose. He was whipped, burnt, bitten, hurt, hammered into by cruel deeds and yet he remained unwavering in his resolve to be at peace and silence. In his meditations he received deep revelations about God, Godliness and liberation from Life and death.

 

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Once of the most powerful stories of Lord Mahavir’s monk life is when he was passing through a jungle path and all villagers had warned him to stay away from that path for the venomous and outrageous snake (Chandkaushik) would immediately kill all those who walked that path. When Lord Mahavir exhibited invincible courage and walked that path with a heart full of unconditional love and peace for the snake, the villagers did not expect him to see him alive again. The snake tried all he could to defeat and scare Lord Mahavir with his fierce moves, bites and behavior. Not only did the snake bite heal itself on Lord Mahavir’s feet but he shed white milk liquid from his body instead of blood when he was bitten. With his loving heart, Lord Mahavir held up his right palm to bless the snake and eventually with his unconditional love, he melt all of the snake’s anger and even healed the snake’s past life emotional patterns of rage and pride. The snake bowed to Lord Mahavir and the villagers could then safely travel that path never to worry again about being attacked.

 

Many a stories have been told about Lord Mahavir’s UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, irrevocable KINDNESS and unshakeable internal will power. There were days and weeks he spent on forced fast with no food to be found anywhere as he refused to eat Non-Vegetarian (organisms with 3 or more senses) or Underground food (roots have unlimited amounts of micro-organisms) of any kind. He liberated Chandanbala from her shackles and ultimately attained Kevalgyan (ULtimate, Universal Knowledge) owing to his constant dedication to peaceful instrospection. Kevalgyan is attained only by those who are completely conquered the 5 senses, have no sensual desires left to fulfill.

He then sermoned for several years, enlightening not only humans of all languages but even animals and other organisms by his own single speech and dialect (He was internally so powerful that each organism understood his speech in their own language). His spirit was then liberated from the birth-death cycle forever and became an enlightened, liberted soul, inspiring, motivating and guiding millions of Jain followers for centuries later.

 

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My love for Mahavir Swami (Swami = Lord) is very deep. When I was in my early 20s and had visited Jodhpur, Rajastan, my family went up to the top of the fort to get the view of the city and tour the fort. I however, sat a full 2 hours in Mahavir Swami’s temple, looked at him, meditated and cried for wanting to be like him, with him, following his path. Post that deep connection that I had found with him in that temple, Lord Mahavir visited me in my dreams early in the morning on the way back to my home. The bright, bold Halo around his head and his charismatic presence and words are still fresh in my mind – soul after a decade and a half.

It was Lord Mahavir who gave us the words – “LIVE and LET LIVE” which meant do no harm to others not only by action but also by thought (don’t judge, don’t criticise, don’t anger) and allow others the freedom to self-expression and life.

Today across the world Lord Mahavir’s Jayanti (birthday) was celebrated with pomp and joy. My celebration of this day was by a Loving Silence for a few minutes and stories of Mahavir Swami’s courage and kindness to my young daughter.

So if you ask me who is my role model, you know that it is no human born in this era! So what or who do you call a SUPER HERO, a SUPER STAR? One that embodies unlimited physical strength to win others through physical power or one that exhibits ultimate Soul Power merely by Unconditional Love, Kindness and Will Power?? What kind of power would you want your children to learn? How do we resolved conflicts in our lives??

* Please note that many Indian names and words don’t traditionally end in an ‘a’ . The ‘a’ in the end is what I have found as an adaption by the western world. There is nothing like Yoga in traditional Indian dictionary or dialect. It is Yog (Exercise of the Soul), It is Mahavir not Mahavira and so on..

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How To Make BIG Money – ‘The Secret’

Big Money! The green notes, paisa duniya ko gumati hai. Sahi kaha. But it is the dark truth that we need money and we need more. The daily demands of living are increasing and so are our debts. Why don’t our pay cheques then catch up as well? What really is the secret to making more money quickly and easily? My money awareness started about a year ago, when I realized I had really nothing much to ‘bank’ on. For ten years I had no work permit, I was living off my husband’s hard earned money with little, almost no savings. My self-esteem had obviously no ropes for staying at home, I was given little value and I myself felt like I wasn’t contributing enough.

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I found it weird that in U.S.A. so many thousands, no exaggeration, thousands of men and women blindly plunged into I.T. as their new career in this new land simply because it promised jobs and a great income to start with. I saw them submitting ‘fake’ certificates bough out from India and doing short, quick courses to get important prior knowledge to start off. Firms in USA hired us Indians because not only did the certificates convincing but also was the fact that Indians are extremely smart and hard working. No lies. We are intelligent, we know how to sweep our way through the tunnels of success no matter what!

My struggle was having studied Masters in Psychology, thick books, tough terms, as good as law, I had toiled all those years for nothing?! To stay  home for an entire decade and rot in my brain and life with no success? I was going through a major identity crisis alike many other immigrants. I felt outcasted career wise, there was no place for me to set foot.

I was an Ace Psychology student, making great money when I had graduated and then after 10 years of that I had point zero to start from. Worse was the fact that my degree from India holds ZERO VALUE in USA, why? Because I studied my Masters in a 3rd world country!!! I cannot work as a Psychologist here and studying another Masters of Psychology from USA would cost me upto $28,000 when I put all expenses in place. Wow! Life had swept my career off my sweep in a jiffy and held me captive for 10 years. After being released from 10 years of that prison, not only was my mind blank, my heart was blank too. The clouds of confusion had gotten under the thick boots of determination.

Don’t get me wrong, I am the typical Type A, go getter personality. So, I could not possibly sit there allow life to consume me. It sure did but while it was demolishing the empire of dreams I once had, i began to write a new story. I was building a mini castle of faith and joy for myself.

I was enrolled as a student in Transform Life-Coaching Certification from SWIHA, I started holding camps for children from home, I was writing and publishing articles in well-known networks and yet I was earning close to NOTHING.

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It impacted my self-esteem deeply and to know that we were going deeper into the debts we held in USA was even more stressful. IN other words, no money to invest, no starter support, no educational support, no work experience to show for a decade, only my WILL-POWER, MY SPIRIT. But what if God offered me all the other things at the cost of not having WILL-POWER, not having a STRONG DRIVE? What would I chose?

I would chose my internal drive at the expense of giving up all other resources and that is exactly what my career path has proven to me, I have proven it to life.I have proven that I won’t compromise my passion for a paycheck, my will power for support, my internal drive for outside resources. If I have a choice of either, I will always chose the former. I have now, after 10 years, set myself on a tough journey of building my career by myself, as a Single Mom, in a foreign country, with lack of capital or other important resources but I know that I can CREATE my own network, my own resources and the Universe will have my back for living a life where I am TRUE to my TALENTS and my PASSION. Do you relate to my story? Do you have a similar strong drive to share your gifts with the world? Everyone who tells you – “It won’t happen” is your ultimate RESOURCE to make it happen. Because they said it to you, now you can do it even more, even better~ Go for it Wonderful Woman ~ Follow your passions!! Watch my VIDEO HERE

What if we were to use this intelligence to enrich our lives over and beyond the money factor? For sure, some of us are made for IT and have that carved deeply in our ‘passion’ book. But for scores of others, it is just a ‘job’ that starts with another ‘draggy’ day and ends with another pay cheque. Do you really enjoy the feeling of working 9 to 5 or rather 7 to 9pm for that pay cheque, pension plan or bill that gets paid? Or would you rather have MORE MONEY THAN YOU CAN SPEND and enjoy every bit of earning that money, love your life for it and not feel half as stressed or weighed down by the challenges that the work presents.

I want you to hear my video above, hear my inspiring story, see what life has in store for you!

5 Minutes To Heaven

WARNING: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! Proceed only if you need all or any of these ;) Watch the VIDEO HERE

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Isn’t it surprising how little kids today can use the word ‘stress’ so commonly. Is stress supposed to be in a child’s dictionary? No! But unfortunately, it is the truth of today’s world.

In this fast-paced, highly demanding world, it is easy to become the non-stop robot that does-does-does and never stops. Our bodies and minds have become machines that are constantly working even when we are asleep. No wonder, a lot of dissatisfaction fills us today. We are unable to give our mind and soul the food it yearns – silence and peace.

In my practice as a psychologist, Life-coach and kids mentor, I have found that more Moms and children stressed, depressed and anxious than have ever imagined. The stories you see on Facebook are most often a wonderful Façade. In fact, the best ones you see are the ones ‘hiding’ the most. I have found value in giving Moms quick, short exercises proves way more helpful than advice for meditating or for an entire life-style change all at once. It can be too scary to tell you to stop eating sugar, start sleeping early and keep a healthy routine. We know that most often it’s just not possible. Our day starts at night and goes on till the next night and it’s non-stop ;) Even in sleep we are planning how to go about ‘tomorrow’ and day after and planning 10 years ahead too! Haha. It sounds funny but I understand the stress totally. India, USA, Australia, no matter where we live, we want to give our family the best and yet we forget it is so important to PAUSE, RELAX and even RECEIVE or in other words, GIVE OURSELVES something too – especially time and appreciation.That is called ‘Mom’s Life’ after all. So what then can be the solution?

Here it is – your 5 Minutes to De-stress, 5 Minutes to Heaven! This exercise is a quick 5 minute exercise that can create a HUGE POSITIVE IMPACT quickly. All you need to commit is to do it twice a week. 10 minutes a week! Totally doable! And the best part is that you can do this exercise while bathing, driving, walking, in bed or just about anywhere. This exercise applies to any child 4 years + who is growing developmentally at his or her age level.

I call this exercise ‘THE ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE’. In our non-stop, fast pace, constant GO-GO-GO life we have often forgotten to verbally or consciously express gratitude towards the little things in life. Finding happiness in the small stuff, the fact that we have eyes to read this article, a functional brain to comprehend it, a family to share our joys with, a home to save from the cold weather, foot wear, roads to drive on to go to work, clean water to drink and the list can be a million things. By no means do I mean to reduce the importance of your struggles.

Only you can understand the pain that you are in with all that goes on in your life and yet for a few moments, we can choose to keep that pain aside just for 10 minutes in a WEEK and truly look deep into what our lives would be without all that we had and have! Hope you enjoy the video Moms and give me your take on this one.In what other ways do you express Gratitude towards all that you have?

It is great to know and say that I don’t need to say it, I already feel gratitude and yet it is like the “I Love You” which you love to hear your kids say to you. You know they love you and yet you want to hear it over and again, I do too! In the same way, the Universe wants to know what we love about it, what we are happy to have so that it can keep giving us that and more! Watch my video where I explain this exercise with ease. 

Remember: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! And it can be practiced by children too.

Much Love, Rima Desai

My 1st Love & How I Lost A Pot Of Gold

Please note: This is meant to be a fun / funny post just for laughs but with an important message about True Love.

So they say life has its own course, its own say, destiny which cannot be over-ridden and yet they also say that when God showers riches onto you, be sure to take them for it may not rain again. My love story goes something just like that. I was 13, 1994, the typical BEHENJI – I had 2 perfect enemies – MATH & FRENCH. They were always on my mind. I couldn’t sleep, eat or breathe without them! I wonder where did God find the space for a Boyfriend.

I mean I was too naïve to understand the meaning of L-O-V-E or even infatuation. But it was – written – in my destiny: – That I would meet someone super smart, super handsome, with a super I.Q., super sporty, super artistic, all-rounder and someone living super far from me whose home I was destined to visit on the perfectly imperfect Summer. And that one day I would reject it all and walk off from a ‘pot-of-gold’!

So, he proposed to me without any words while his family sat around me, no one realized. My heart skipped 10 beats. It was the perfect age and reason to bid into that infatuation aka LOVE FLU. And then a super sad, long distance, no real relationship began. All the viruses were going to hit us harder now.

We had never held hands, we had no real love thing going on. But we believed it was the Ultimate Love Bug. At least I did. I sent him letters which I realized years later that they probably never reached him – the middle person or the postman seemed to enjoy all my romantic creativity (booohoooo). It just created more distance as I wondered why he never replied and he wondered why I would not wait to marry him.

He had gifted me a beautiful drawing of a ‘dulhan’ waiting at the balcony for her prince to arrive. When I looked at that drawing and heard him tell me to wait 6 years, my thought went something like this – “That is beautiful drawing but you must be out of your mind. I am not W-A-I-T-N-G for any prince charming. I’m dragging you on the horse right now and I am painting it white if it is not. Tell me yes or no!”

What is hilarious is that then he tells me – Have you ever thought how a plane flies? I was like “huh?” What would that mean? It would mean that his super intelligent brain was obsessed with science and technology and he wouldn’t marry me until he fulfills his BIG DREAMS. Bluh, I almost puked. I hated science! I was like OMG, this is getting worse!

So finally after 6 years I did break up, well there was nothing built in the 1st place, we never went out or had any romantic moments, it was just a silly ‘label’ we had given each other. But I still remember the look on his face when I returned all his gifts, letters and drawings. He was very sad and wondered what happened. I was super confused. He never replied to my letters, never held my hand, never took me out and now he was requesting to not break up??

You might think this was the end of the story. No. This is where the funny part of my story and the real sad news begins.

Goddess Laxmi visited me a decade later and said – Rima I had your pot filled with gold. Remember the plane thing your 1st boyfriend had told you? He made his BIG DREAMS come true, he chased them all out and won! Why did you not listen to me??? At age 30, he is now a super-rich, super famous guy and you are still figuring out life! Only if you never rejected his idea of understanding ‘how the plane flies’!!! Hahaha. Well, O no. I did not know Goddess Laxmi was hidden behind that important SCIENCE question. L-O-L ;) Just kidding.

In all good intentions, this is a ‘fun’ post just to make you all laugh. This is the truth and drama of life. My life has always had some crazy, unexpected adventures which feel very hard in the process but later deserve a great laugh. I am glad we departed early because I am the ultimate People Person and he is the ultimate Tech. guy. We wouldn’t make a good match at all.

He now has a beautiful, loving wife and kids. He met his true love and is living a successful life and that makes me super happy to see. LOVE should never be about MONEY or SUCCESS.

Love is all about finding each other’s souls and cherishing the best and worst of each other and life TOGETHER. It is companionship through and through. If you don’t feel that with anyone, don’t try to push through.

We haven’t met since then but have spoken and been sort of in touch. I still admire his talents and what he has achieved is admirable. Here, I can’t share more about him or about his extra ordinary story of perseverance but I can say that he continues to inspire me and the world!

Moral of the Story – Laxmi Ma could be hiding behind any plane or question! Ha ha ;)