SINGLE MOM? MARRIED yet SINGLE??
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to Marriage Solutions and more…
Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, it is a different story by itself. Today, I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet Single Moms – they are the ones talking 80% to 100% of the burden of children and home management or those who were married and later became Single Moms. Earlier I fell in category 1: Married and yet a Single Mom, now I fall more so somewhere in between.
It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even freedom of thought! I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!! Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!!
WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)
This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …
…An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.
Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb and in this manner we receive our first teachings about reliving these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass them on to our future generations. It is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and something that gets activated when we encounter it socially, just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, etc.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??
This means serious good news! It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.
Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark! A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.
However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.
It is definitely not easy, it requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.
Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders. Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what you love just as often as you cook what the family loves or asking for care from the family when you are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often you will entertain guests. We just about don’t do that and also keep complaining until old age, doesn’t serve the purpose!
And then there are those that are serious abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve. Where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what you do. Sort of also the men who clearly refuse coming to counseling or mutual discussion and talk about all that needs healing. Ask me how that feels! :(
You are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart and what your intuition says is always right. As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and can follow the deep nudge, you are good to know. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant one too. I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)
A POT OF ADVICE by ME: Women & Twin Flame-Coach Rima Desai
The parents who say they are living in the marriage for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.
If you stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then you are showing your children that is that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness. Killing your happiness by the fear of society or the fear of your children’s future is showing your children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership for the Sake of it.
Stay in a marriage for #Love, #Unity and #Companionship, your children need to see that. If you cannot show your children that, then show them LOVE by Being Your Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to your children!
~ Soul Food ~ by Women’s Life-Coach Rima Desai
Watch my 6 mins. Video here and tell me if you – Relate??