HIGH IMPACT STRESS REDUCTION – Step by Step Tutorial by Coach Rima Desai

In this article, I share with you a high impact, highly effective technique to reduce your daily stress. These techniques are quick and easy. They can be practiced on the go – in the shower, at the traffic light, before bed, upon waking up or anytime in the day when you have just 2 minutes. Yes, in just 2 minutes of your day you can transform how your mind and body feels! Read on…

It was the summer of 1997, I was 16 years young, helping an infant fall asleep. The mom was out on a walk and her infant boy woke up in his sleep, I put him on my shoulders, tapped him gently and soothed him back to sleep. After 20 years, I still remember that feeling because it was ‘paradise’ – the sense of fulfillment I got from having a baby in my arms. All I wanted to be then, was a Mom! That dream came true in 2009 when I realized I had a baby growing in my womb.

It feels amazing to be a Mom, from conception to delivery and through the growing years. What we do not know before conception though, is the forever ‘Mommy Stress’ that is to follow. The stress is not just the fact of having kid/s to care for in so many ways, but the family dynamics, the body dynamics, lack of time for self-care and lack of support that comes with it. We are largely still a traditional society. We do not get the freedom to take down time, breathe, live, love and laugh like we would before we were a mom or a wife.

I am a practicing Life-Coach for Women since 2 years now and my core clientele is MOMS. I teach moms from across the world, life-skills and coping strategies to manage, reduce, alleviate stress, depression, anxiety and the constant sense of ‘overwhelm’ that prevails through our life years. All of my clients learn these powerful 2 minute techniques to quickly alleviate stress and feel a deep sense of calm. This is commonly known as ‘Grounding’ or ‘Centering’ in USA. I have received excellent feedback from my clients with my grounding techniques.

WHAT DOES ‘GROUNDING’ MEAN?

Understanding physiology helps add benefit to an activity. Grounding is a technique to connect back to the ‘ground’ or ‘Earth’. We are made of 5 elements: air, water, earth, fire and ethers. Our feelings are held in the heart chakra area in the center of our chest. We process our thoughts in the brain – which is away from the ground/earth. When we are stressed, we are essentially engaged in our ‘thoughts’ or ‘feelings’ – something that is more ‘airy’ in nature or in other words we are moving into our abstract, etheric body, away from the grounding reality of our biological self. The more stressed we get, the deeper we dive into the air, floating element which can give rise to feelings of insecurity, anxieties, worry, feeling unsafe, etc.

By grounding ourselves, we bring our attention back to the physical body, reconnect with the Earth we live on and that brings a sense of security and calm. It also helps us stay in the ‘HERE and NOW’ as vs. in the “What Was” or “What ifs”.

BENEFITS OF GROUNDING

Immediate stress reduction
Higher frustration tolerance
A sense of emotional calm and security
Better emotional immunity
Direct impact on health and your relationships
Increased focus at work
Being more ‘present’ for your family
Increased self-confidence
Great technique to be used in depression, anxiety
Excellent technique for high stress situations like interviews, exams, difficult situations, etc.

HOW TO GROUND YOURSELF

You need 2 to 4 minutes of your time. If you have more time, you can use upto 10 minutes as well but 2 minutes is enough too. Step 1 to 5 is the shortest grounding technique you can apply. You may continue if you have more time.

Sit up or stand as straight as you, this helps move energy in a flow, through your central nervous system, creating circulation movements required for healing (that’s why we sit up straight during meditations or lie on our backs).
Close your eyes
Take your mind to your breath and notice how you are inhaling and exhaling. Feel the calm in the rhythm
If there are any thoughts coming to your mind, allow them to pass like passing clouds
Take your mind to your feet and deeply feel the textures around your feet
Imagine your worries, thoughts, feelings are like extra clothes on you like a jacket or a robe. Remove the robe/jacket and put it away. You can also imagine your stress to be like falling leaves or rocks that you throw away.
Bring your mind back your breathing. As you breathe out, imagine releasing all your uncomfortable feelings, fears, worries, feelings of being stuck, sad, angry or burdened and you breathe in, imagine taking in confidence, love, harmony, joy and a sense of safety.
You may also imagine breathing in your favorite colors for that day in the form of rays or ribbons to add to a sense of comfort and calmness.
Add your own creativity with a positive focus. E.g.: You may add shimmer around you, rays of white light falling above you.
There are deeper levels of grounding which you can dive into. HEAR MY SHORT VIDEO TUTORIAL.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD WE GROUND OURSELVES?

Did you know that we are exposed to constant stimulation in so many ways in today’s world. Stimulation means the use of our 5 senses to take in information. We are constantly hearing sounds, seeing movements, feeling textures in the real and reel world combined. We are also unknowingly smelling subtle fragrances and eating at intervals which keeps our sense organs ‘heightened’. Since the sense organs are the gateway to our MIND (emotional body processing), soothing our sense organs. We also take in upto 75,000 thoughts in a day!

By now it must be easy for you to answer this question. We must ground ourselves DAILY, preferably twice or 3ce a day. After all it is a 2 minute activity.

YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS ACTIVITY

Please share your thoughts and experience with this activity. I have seen massive changes in my clients with this simple, highly effective technique. I want you to know that small changes can create big impact. There is one KEY word here: CONSISTENCY. You cannot see an impact by doing this once or twice or without continuous commitment. If we cannot commit 2 minutes to ourselves daily, we are missing out on LIFE. We are losing ourselves to what matters most – our stability, our health, our family, our life!

The Biography of a Victorious Father

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!! We truly treasure the fathers that make our family feel strong and complete. I am introducing today, one such rare FATHER. Read the story of this parent from his child’s narration and in the end, bask in the wisdom shared by this marvelous human being. Today, we are talking about Mwalimu Desai or in other words Mr. Raman Desai. (Mwalimu means Teacher in Ki-Swahili).

It is not like diamonds are found everywhere. Precious things rare, so are precious people.

Mwalimu Desai is a highly sought out person in Mwanza city (Tanzania country in Central East Africa) and immensely loved by the locals. Mind you, do not be fooled by his simple dressing – usually a pale white or brown pant with a simple T-shirt tucked into a black belt. The Kikapu (a little bamboo suitcase) and his white hat are a part of his signature dressing. As he passes the streets filled with hustle of several hundreds, watch his popularity wave by.

Behind the warmth of this soothing smile, is a man who has fought the worst battles of Parenthood in a span of over 2 decades; nightmares that can make our skin disown us and yet through the turbulence, he has managed to emerge victorious. He kept moving on through the rocky roads of life and demanded victory over each moment. Today his life may seem to be at a lot more at ease while he still continues to spread his down-to-earth generosity. Jan 15th of this year, he celebrated his 81st Birthday!

The crux of this biography is – “It is easy to survive through the toughest times but it is not easy to LIVE through life’s traumas, emerge victorious and yet continue to live with enthusiasm, modesty and selflessly”.

HIS-STORY

Raman Desai experienced a sudden crash in his financial situation at the most crucial juncture of life. He had 2 kids, one who was 1 year old and other just 5. All of a sudden the roof over his head was ripped off, everything was lost, everything! Having 2 children to feed and a very simple salary to work off on, he knew, he had no choice but to STEER through his situation! For 25 years since then, he put his sweat and blood together to ensure that his children get EVERYTHING THAT THEY DESERVE. In that tough journey, he had the courage and companionship of the most important person – his Wife: Late Mrs. Vandana Desai.

A MESSAGE FROM HIS SON

“Dad had a very basic salary. He would wear old clothes for several years, even patch them up so that they would last longer. It was a tough situation financially but dad and mom never brought those troubles to the forefront. They did their best to give us everything they could and always gave priority to our needs. They would work for 20 hours a day (with no exaggeration). Yes, 20 hours – day and night, cyclostyling; which they did for years! (*An ancient device for duplicating handwriting, in which a pen with a small toothed wheel pricks holes in a sheet of waxed paper, which is then used as a stencil). If you know how a cyclostyle works, it requires a lot of hand effort and doing that for so many hours each day sounds painful!
This was just ‘One of the several jobs’ they did to make sure we had food to eat, clothes to wear and books to study from. In fact, I had a major illness as a child. I had severe asthama since age 4 till my 20s. I would get asthama attacks and my health would be down for days. Mom and Dad had to call the doctors in emergency several times, stay up late at night for days together. NEVER, NOT ONCE, did they complain for the long drooling hours of no sleep and the efforts they had to put in for my care. I knew I was strictly not allowed to eat certain things but I would be careless but still they stayed calm and accepting of me. It is phenomenal how affectionate, caring, and kind they were.

Dad gave us the best education. We had to be sent far for our education starting standard (Grade) 7th. It was a tough decision as expenses were higher with flight travels, abroad stays and lots of other challenges especially due to my health problems. We were some of lucky few children who were sent out of Mwanza city and in the States for higher studies. There were other parents in town who could very well afford it financially but they did not send their children. With my parents, it was the opposite situation. We literally went abroad with pennies in our pockets but my dad’s faith, his courage and his support did it for us! It was completely unimaginable and I still cant fathom how my parents did it.

Till date, I do not know how many LOANS he had taken over the years to put us through these schools; he has NEVER told us or made us feel short. And today both me and my sister are well settled at such wonderful jobs and lives. We continue to follow my dad’s philosophy – he always taught us to be generous, kind and content with what we have. We were among the poorest in town but yet, my parents gave the most donations of food to the needy.
They taught us to give others even when we did not have enough to eat at home. They taught me to help others and they always PRACTICED WHAT THEY TAUGHT US. They also instilled in us the values of FAMILY LIFE. For several years they stayed awake and worked 19-20 hours a day, yet they would remove time to play games with us each evening. They also added a lot of fun and humor to our daily lives, it did not even make us realize what their sorrows were. And in spite of all those sorrows, they have always supported us in our endeavors and wishes.

A MESSAGE FROM MWALIMU RAMAN DESAI

My (late) wife and I have never asked for any help. We worked day and night to raise our children in the right and the best way. And even when our children were small, they extended help to us. Yes, there were times when we argued and fought. It was not all rosy and easy. But love abided within us and in the end, we were one always! This is the greatest challenge of a parent – to teach unity and love to overcome all the small difficulties or faults that we see in life or each other. Our goal was to bring them up and give them the best type of education that they can lead a good life and help other needy people.

I hope other parents feel encouraged and inspired from this message. That is the purpose of me writing here. Consider your child as a lovely plant in the garden. The tree grows with time and only the one which is nurtured the best from inside, no matter what weather conditions were outside, bears fresh, fruits for years to come!”

PARENTING

The Whisper of an Invisible Star

“Dear Woman, a Mother is the one who removes the thorns from one’s heart with a whisper of Love. She is the feather that floats you from a drowning sea and the bucket of Love with seamless boundaries.

At the moment you feel guilty for the mistakes you have done, resentful for what you haven’t, angry for what others did to your or sad for what you don’t have, simply lift your head up and walk up to a Mirror. Look at the person in front of you in the eye in that Mirror and say to her –

“For the times when you have been a Mother, for the millions of seconds when you have forgotten your needs for that of your child…

…for the days when you cried alone because you showered smiles at your baby,

…for the nights you awoke worried for someone else’s safety,

…for all that you have selflessly thought and done for your entire family,

…for the times when you haven’t cooked what you loved to fit the joy of the rest,

…for the times when your body hurt and you mustered the courage to go on and

…for a trillion of the billion seconds when you lived up to your duty to be a Mother, you deserve a shower of Love, a bucket of Hugs and Mountains of Flowers

…for you must know that you are not about what you sacrifice, what you feel guilty about, what you did not do right

…for you must care for yourself first, love yourself first, stop always putting the family first

…for you must start showing your children what love truly means, not sacrifice but filling your bucket, appreciating yourself, standing up for yourself, being true to who are and need, making powerful requests and drawing powerful boundaries from the irrational, sacrificial expectations others may have from you.

…for you deserve to be as much a human being as all others, for we must transform what being a woman means and show our children a new future

For today is that day like every other day when you get to Celebrate Who You are – a Mother. For you are the ultimate Angel in someone’s world, for you are the whole and the soul for them, for those little twinkling eyes and hearts you ignite with joy and hope every single day. For if you weren’t here, their world would be Dark and Lonely”.

And for that, just for that, Love Yourself Unconditionally. For you are the Divine, for you are a M-O-M! How lucky that you are, that I am, we are! For not a million dollars can win the innocence we experience every day, in the hearts of the purest, through the smiles of our little Angels.

There are only 2 entities one can pray to. One is God and other is a Mother. While God teaches us Godliness, a Mom executes it every second”. <3

~ by Women Empowerment Coach Rima Desai

www.rimadesai.org

www.rimadesai.org

https://theguidingstar.org/2018/04/23/dailysoupopera/

PARENTING, Self-Awareness

To do or not to? A Mom’s Eternal ‘Soup’ Opera

SINGLE MOM? MARRIED yet SINGLE??

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, Working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to those feeling very stressed as Moms or having stressful marriages. It may sound funny and yet truly a Mom’s Daily Opera can very well be feeling like they are in a ‘Soup’. Being a Life-Coach for Women (Women Empowerment Coach), I get to see that a lot with my clients. To do or not to do? To say or not to say? To ‘stay’ or not to stay? To prioritize their lives or not? … endless thoughts…

Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, today I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet are Single Moms. I mean that hundreds of moms are the ones taking 80% to 100% of the responsibility of child care and home management. I also talk about the moms who were married and later became Single Moms. I fall more so somewhere in between ;)

It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even lack of freedom of thought! I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!! Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!

WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)

This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …

…An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.

Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb. In the womb, we receive our first teachings about re-living these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass then we pass them on to our children and future generations. Just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, diabetes, etc., it is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and then it gets activated when we encounter it socially.

SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??

This means serious good news! It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.

Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark! A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.

However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.

It is definitely not easy. It requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.

Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders. Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what we love just as often as we cook what the family loves. Even practices like asking for care from the family when we are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often we will entertain guests can be super helpful in the long run. We receive no productive outcome/s when we just about don’t do that and also keep constantly complaining.

But then there are many women that have been or are being seriously abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve; where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what one does. Some men clearly refuse counseling, mutual discussion or anything to do with healing the relationship. They may be in denial or in defensive mode and may even stay there forever!

Ultimately, you are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart what’s your truth and your sixth sense must be your best advocate. It knows! As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and follow the deep nudge, you are good to go. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant ones too! I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)

A POT OF ADVICE by ME

“The parents who think that they are staying in the marriage only for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.

If we stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then we are showing our children that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That to me, is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness!Killing our happiness by the fear of society or the fear of our children’s future is showing and teaching our children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership merely for the Sake of it. Pretence is never healthy.

Stay in a marriage for #Love, #Unity and #Companionship, our children need to see that. If we cannot show our children that, then we must show them LOVE by Being our Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to our children!”

~ Soul Food ~ by Coach Rima Desai ~ Happy Upcoming Mother’s Day!!

PARENTING

Holiday Art – Create from Scrap!

Art projects for children to do during the holidays using old newspapers and scrap paper – recycling art

Source: Holiday Art – Create from Scrap!

PARENTING

Cognitive Games to build Cognisant Minds

In my previous blog (http://parentedge.in/fun-and-educational-games-for-kids/), I highlighted several cognitive and ‘age old’ games for your elementary and middle school kids. This month, we are playing similar games for the younger age group. I was eager to find out how to get our preschoolers to play the same games, and here are the creative ideas that popped out of my mind.

Ideal for ages: 3.5 years – 6years (based on maturity level of the child)

Requires: All the activities require at least:

An Adult and one Child
Pen and paper + images per person + glue sticks

Winner: It can be just a fun game for this age group but if you decide to have kids compete, make sure they are all at similar age and level. For every game, winner is the person or group with most correct answers or points.

Since not all children can read well under age 6, we are going to use visual and verbal aids for most parts. This indeed makes it a lot of fun!

Activity 1: NAME PLACE ANIMAL THING

Have the below table ready for each child. Read out the titles and explain what they mean using the picture below it. “The row on the left shows us the letter we are working with. We have 4 columns and under each column we have the related photograph. First, we are working with the letter A. So under the title ‘NAME’ we have Amitabh Bachan because Amitabh starts with letter ‘A’, under place we have…”

LETTER	NAME	PLACE	ANIMAL	THING
A
B

Activity 2: WORD VOCABULARY

Here, first give them an empty chart and all the images separately. Once they get the chart and images, they must glue the image in the correct column. An image whose word has only 3 letters must go in the 3 letter word column and so on.

You may choose to write the name of the object on the picture itself so that they can count the number of letters on it. For smarter kids, you can hide the name of the object (this is optional). You can use black and white images so that they get a chance to color the objects too!

3 letter word	4 letter word	5 letter word

3 letter word

4 letter word

5 letter word

BAT

PEAR

Activity 3: WORD RACE

Kids are given an empty chart with random letters written on the left column of the chart. Different images are mixed and handed out. Kids must know which image must go under which alphabet to win or complete the game. You may assist them by writing the initial alphabet on top of the image if needed.

A
P
S
T

A
P
S
T

Activity 4: WORD DUMB CHARADES

Adult or the kid choses a word in his head (not shared with anyone) e.g. LEGO

He must now describe his word by using related words that will help the other player guess the answer LEGO. E.g. is a toy, use to build, is a movie too, etc.

Ideally, adult and child can take turns to be on the guessing side.

Activity 5: Word play variations

Adult gives a simple word to the child. Child must make rhyming words. Eventually with practice adult can venture to time the child or even challenge the child to make a song with those rhyming words.

Make your own variations. These activities make great fun at any point of time, even while driving or having sleepovers.