PARENTING, Self-Awareness

To do or not to? A Mom’s Eternal ‘Soup’ Opera

   SINGLE MOM? MARRIED yet SINGLE??

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, Working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to those feeling very stressed as Moms or having stressful marriages. It may sound funny and yet truly a Mom’s Daily Opera can very well be feeling like they are in a ‘Soup’. Being a Life-Coach for Women (Women Empowerment Coach), I get to see that a lot with my clients. To do or not to do? To say or not to say? To ‘stay’ or not to stay? To prioritize their lives or not? … endless thoughts…

Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, today I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet are Single Moms.  I mean that hundreds of moms are the ones taking 80% to 100% of the responsibility of child care and home management. I also talk about the moms who were married and later became Single Moms. I fall more so somewhere in between ;)

It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even lack of freedom of thought! I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!! Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!

 WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)

This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …

An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.

Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb. In the womb, we receive our first teachings about re-living these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass then we pass them on to our children and future generations. Just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, diabetes, etc., it is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and then it gets activated when we encounter it socially.

 

         SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??

This means serious good news! It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.

Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark! A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.

However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.

It is definitely not easy. It requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.

Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders. Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what we love just as often as we cook what the family loves. Even practices like asking for care from the family when we are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often we will entertain guests can be super helpful in the long run. We receive no productive outcome/s when we just about don’t do that and also keep constantly complaining.

But then there are many women that have been or are being seriously abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve; where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what one does. Some men clearly refuse counseling, mutual discussion or anything to do with healing the relationship. They may be in denial or in defensive mode and may even stay there forever!

Ultimately, you are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart what’s your truth and your sixth sense must be your best advocate. It knows! As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and follow the deep nudge, you are good to go. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant ones too! I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)

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                A POT OF ADVICE by ME

“The parents who think that they are staying in the marriage only for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.

If we stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then we are showing our children that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That to me, is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness!Killing our happiness by the fear of society or the fear of our children’s future is showing and teaching our children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership merely for the Sake of it. Pretence is never healthy.

Stay in a marriage for #Love#Unity and #Companionship, our children need to see that. If we cannot show our children that, then we must show them LOVE by Being our Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to our children!”

~ Soul Food ~ by Coach Rima Desai ~ Happy Upcoming Mother’s Day!!

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Self-Awareness

Zero Membership, Full Benefit!

It is so easy to say – “You should meditate” but it is so hard to actually do it, in fact, even want to do it. Meditation has that boring, serious or ‘difficult’ connotation to it which gets us to push it to – “Maybe someday I will do it, but not today!” If you have been in this in-between of knowing how great meditation can be and yet not sure if you want to do it, this is the article for you. In this article I will briefly describe meditation, how to and touch on my recent experience with Vipassana meditation. I have a video at the end of the article which explains my views on all these in greater detail.

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Why Meditate / What is Meditation?

Just like we exercise our body to strengthen our muscles and body immunity, we meditate to strengthen our mind muscles and be stronger. We need to build our mind muscle by stillness of the mind. Quiet and stillness gives our mind a break from non-stop working. Imagine a car engine that never stopped, what would happen to it? Can you guess the average number of thoughts we think in a day? Know the answer in my video.

In short, meditation is silence of the mind, not silence of the tongue or stillness of the body. We may not speak but yet our mind may continue to work. Especially at night when the body rests, the mind decides to remove all of its collected waste. That we call either anxiety, worry, dreams or insomnia. These conditions come about when our waste basket hasnot been emptied on a regular basis and results in over spilling.

 

How to Meditate?

Hence, for daily mind clearing, a few minutes of meditation is a must. Why ignore our mind when it is so simple? Let’s say we have no more than 5 minutes a day. For that, all we need to do is, find 2 minutes of silence twice a day. In that silence, we must close our eyes and focus our mind on our breath and feel free of any things planned for the day. This can be done while travelling to work / home or just before lunch, before bed time, etc. This is the simplest way to meditate and yet very effective if done twice a day, daily.

With more time, say more than 5 minutes, one can even play meditation music on YouTube and sit in a comfortable place of privacy. Just close one’s eyes, with a straight back (take back support if needed) and hear that music for as long as one wishes.

The 3rd easy way to meditate is ‘Aum’ chanting. Sit in a comfortable position with straight back and chant A-u-m by pulling the sound from one’s navel / stomach. It gets better with practice and some youtube videos may be available for the same. Chant with an emphasis on A sound first and less of U and M. Repeat that. Then move to short A sound but longer U sound and short M sound (repeat it). Last go to M sound for the longest time and repeat that. Do as many Aum repetitions as needed. It is ok to do a short Aum chant to start with. Our breath may not permit a longer chant and that is ok. It gets better with daily repetitions. We must not do more than what our body permits.

The next level of meditation is sitting in complete silence and allowing our thoughts to come and go without any focus on them. This is the best way to remove ‘mind waste’ and create a space for deeper introspection. Through that one builds mental strength and self-awareness of deeper emotional layers.

There are many other ways to meditate but the above 4 are the simplest. If one likes chanting mantras, one can do mantra meditation to increase mental power.

For increasing focus, concentration and memory:

1.      YouTube – Look at the changing designs of mandalas for as long as you can, you can YouTube Magic Mandalas or Mandala meditation.

2.      Fix one’s gaze on a candle’s wick.

3.      Color Mandalas with intent and focus.

4.      Labyrinth – Walk a labyrinth.

 

There are several other types of meditation. Just like different types of medicines or fitness regimes suit different people, same is with meditation.

Vipassana Meditation:

 

This week I visited Belapur center for Vipassana Meditation for the 10 day course. The accommodation and food facilities at the center are awesome and overall the atmosphere feels conducive for meditation. However, like I had imagined, Vipassana is not a course of complete silence. While students remain silent, the group meditation (about 3 hours a day in total) involves teacher’s constant instruction played through a recorded tape, first in Hindi, followed by English repetition. Besides that, there is a discourse daily and recorded audios focusing on karma theory, moral values, how Vipassana helps, etc. In my video I have mentioned in great detail, the truth that I felt about Vipassana and in comparison to other meditation techniques.

 

Brahma Kumaris
Personally, I am in love with Brahma Kumaris. To avail of their meditation services, we must first do a 7 day course (which is just 1 hour a day of meditation for 7 days) and then attend any center for meditation whenever we feel like. Their audio which states – “Om Shanti Om, I am a peaceful soul” is my most favorite audio for meditation.

 

Do watch my video link which will be added here soon. You can even YouTube Rima Desai or Google – Rima Desai YouTube to find all my videos. Remember to meditate at least 2 minutes a day. Your lovely self deserves at least that much pampering. How much do we all do for others throughout the day? Let’s do some for ourselves too!

Important Points:

Never meditate right after a meal
Never force yourself to meditate no matter what others say
Meditation is  joyful experience, not a serious, sad matter!

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Self-Awareness

SILENCE, SUB-CONSCIOUS and SCREAMS

Midnight empty roads – the time when the damp air is caressing the exhausted roads while the walls SCREAM out the Stories of the Day ~ everything becomes CLEAR in Stillness … ~ I could hear it all, how beautiful are the roads rt now :)

…Kinda like the Sub-Conscious Mind which starts SPEAKING OUT while we rest our Conscious / Awake Mind and it can N-E-V-E-R lie.

So what does your silence scream out? ~ hidden under the cushions of a busy life?!

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Astrology, Self-Awareness

When NOT to get an Astrology reading

O how we are attracted to the play of Planets in our lives. Since we can remember, humans have turned to astrology for guidance and hope. And don’t these planets impact us? Of course they do! The sun’s rays impacts us? If yes, then so does every other planet in our solar system.  Astrology is real, it works! However, if one gets a wrong reading, is misguided or feels misled, then that doesn’t mean astrology is wrong. It simply means that not all astrologers are informed or talented enough to be able to provide the ‘authentic’, ancient astrology or that it may have been a mismatch or that just like other industries, some astrologers are ‘commercial’ and some are sincere, learned astrologers. Whatever the case, it is important to not ‘judge’ this ancient science with the lack of one’s knowledge or a bad experience.

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One of the big reason why astrology pulls us towards it is that we ‘believe’ that it will give us HOPE for a better future. That is often the reason many people show their charts to astrologers. Seek an Astrology Consultation from Rima.

Astrology may be able to give us hope but it was primarily built to guide people in seeking important answers related to guiding their soul’s spiritual advancement, choosing a career, being mindful of one’s karmic backlog and finding solutions to life’s problems related to relationships or etc… 

This is not a post for anyone in specific, it is to all those who have in the past, and still consult me with their charts – if you want HOPE, you do not need to show your chart to gain it. A horoscope cannot guarantee anything is going to be ‘better’. Neither can it change things magically. In fact, it could point out the several problems that the individual must address. What happens then to one’s psyche?

In my consultations to people, it has helped my clients to be affirmed of challenges they perceive, have or feel and finding more ‘internalized’ solutions as vs. external, superficial remedies like gem stones or havans.

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Working on our ‘character’, our ‘sanskars’, our attitude towards things can do a lot more for us than having a chart read simply for ‘HOPE’ of things turning in your favor. What if I see something worse coming up? Then what do you want the astrologer to tell you?

   “Showing one’s chart cannot guarantee a better future, working on oneself can!!!” 

Ways to work on oneself: Life-Coaching, Hypnotherapy, Spiritual living, Meditation, Social Service, Life-style change including food and exercise.

When can astrology help?

Astrology is a wonderful, scientific tool which can be used towards one’s benefit in many ways. It can help provide insights into which career or which field of study to pursue, the purpose of one’s birth, what did the soul pledge to do before it chose that body, best time for marriage, child birth, how to reduce certain health or financial hazards and best move through challenging planetary times…

I hope this information helps you make better choices for a brighter future. Remember there is no escape from Self-Work: In our years of life, we have thought ill of people, judged others, been critical, harsh, boastful, greedy, deceived others, acted out of insecurity, etc. Through life-coaching and other modalities, when we clear out our past, we 100% create a pathway for a Brighter Future and then, it doesn’t matter what our chart says!!!

Also know that when a solution is mentioned from an astrological point of view, that is probably the ‘best’ solution for your particular context. Clients sometimes hope for ‘easier’ solutions.  Imagine if I am ill, you are giving me medicine for my ailment but I don’t like this medicine, could I ask for an ‘easier’ medicine? … when we show our charts, it gets easier for us if we are ‘willing’ to make the changes mentioned. The astrologer is not a magician: cannot change things around for you. Short cut solutions do not work. They are simply quick fixes that produce weak results.

However, if you are ready to receive GENUINE guidance and are committed to self work, want to grow spiritually and personally, be guided sincerely, then yes, there is a lot to gain from an astrology reading!

Seek an Astrology Consultation from Rima

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