by TRANSFORMATIONAL LIFE-COACH RIMA DESAI
Tag Archives: Divorce
Where to Start, Where to Go?
At some point of life or another, each one of us feels the chaos of the Crossroads of life. A churning within which is difficult to express and even harder to get through. Hardships or challenges often come in unannounced ways where we reach a breaking point of having to ultimately make a choice.
One of those huge challenges for me was to get down to the blunt reality of life. My choice was to continue staying in a marriage which I was finally well aware and in acceptance of as – A Loveless, Dead, Emotionally Apathetic Marriage which I had responsibly lived for 11 years. I had given it all I had, even more and waited for magic to happen long enough. But finally, I had decided to get over my denial. But just like we say that Ignorance is Bliss, it did seem so real for once. Was ignorance bliss? Now, knowing what I knew, I had the crossroads of making a CONSCIOUS CHOICE – To move out and bear the burden of a 7 year young with an almost nil bank balance, no real career given a 10 year lag of working permit in foreign lands OR continue being the Master of Pretense.
This was the real deal, the real test of my life, my strength, my sanity and above all the test of FAITH. I didn’t have any answers to WHO to go to, HOW to do it, WHEN to do it, WHAT exactly needed to be done, WHERE to go and I was shaky about the WHY.
What led me through all of that was one thing – A deep inner KNOWING of what felt right and the COURAGE to do it anyway. My story is long and rather magical after that. But in short, I took the leap of faith and I can proudly say now that behind every Super Successful Leader you have ever known, was a BEGINNER’s SOUL. You have to take the 1st step forward and allow to ‘Be Guided’ on the rest.
I was divinely guided by a Team of Humans in the form of Life-Coach, Hypnotherapist, Psychic, Healers whom I sought help from, paid when it felt insane and then followed the Magical journey of the DIVINE GUIDANCE from a Team of inhuman (Supernatural) forces like Angels, Spirit Guides, Deities and more which flipped my barren life terrain into a beautifully flourishing meadow.
Confused just like I was? START ANYWAY and GO FOR IT. SEEK HELP. You Deserve Support, Success and Joy!!
~ ONCE A BEGINNER, NOW A LEADER~
The Whisper of an Invisible Star
“Dear Woman, a Mother is the one who removes the thorns from one’s heart with a whisper of Love. She is the feather that floats you from a drowning sea and the bucket of Love with seamless boundaries.
At the moment you feel guilty for the mistakes you have done, resentful for what you haven’t, angry for what others did to your or sad for what you don’t have, simply lift your head up and walk up to a Mirror. Look at the person in front of you in the eye in that Mirror and say to her –
“For the times when you have been a Mother, for the millions of seconds when you have forgotten your needs for that of your child…
…for the days when you cried alone because you showered smiles at your baby,
…for the nights you awoke worried for someone else’s safety,
…for all that you have selflessly thought and done for your entire family,
…for the times when you haven’t cooked what you loved to fit the joy of the rest,
…for the times when your body hurt and you mustered the courage to go on and
…for a trillion of the billion seconds when you lived up to your duty to be a Mother, you deserve a shower of Love, a bucket of Hugs and Mountains of Flowers
…for you must know that you are not about what you sacrifice, what you feel guilty about, what you did not do right
…for you must care for yourself first, love yourself first, stop always putting the family first
…for you must start showing your children what love truly means, not sacrifice but filling your bucket, appreciating yourself, standing up for yourself, being true to who are and need, making powerful requests and drawing powerful boundaries from the irrational, sacrificial expectations others may have from you.
…for you deserve to be as much a human being as all others, for we must transform what being a woman means and show our children a new future
For today is that day like every other day when you get to Celebrate Who You are – a Mother. For you are the ultimate Angel in someone’s world, for you are the whole and the soul for them, for those little twinkling eyes and hearts you ignite with joy and hope every single day. For if you weren’t here, their world would be Dark and Lonely”.
And for that, just for that, Love Yourself Unconditionally. For you are the Divine, for you are a M-O-M! How lucky that you are, that I am, we are! For not a million dollars can win the innocence we experience every day, in the hearts of the purest, through the smiles of our little Angels.
There are only 2 entities one can pray to. One is God and other is a Mother. While God teaches us Godliness, a Mom executes it every second”. <3
Also read for Mother’s Day:
To do or not to? A Mom’s Eternal ‘Soup’ Opera
SINGLE MOM? MARRIED yet SINGLE??
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, Working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to those feeling very stressed as Moms or having stressful marriages. It may sound funny and yet truly a Mom’s Daily Opera can very well be feeling like they are in a ‘Soup’. Being a Life-Coach for Women (Women Empowerment Coach), I get to see that a lot with my clients. To do or not to do? To say or not to say? To ‘stay’ or not to stay? To prioritize their lives or not? … endless thoughts…
Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, today I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet are Single Moms. I mean that hundreds of moms are the ones taking 80% to 100% of the responsibility of child care and home management. I also talk about the moms who were married and later became Single Moms. I fall more so somewhere in between ;)
It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even lack of freedom of thought! I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!! Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!
WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)
This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …
…An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.
Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb. In the womb, we receive our first teachings about re-living these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass then we pass them on to our children and future generations. Just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, diabetes, etc., it is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and then it gets activated when we encounter it socially.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??
This means serious good news! It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.
Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark! A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.
However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.
It is definitely not easy. It requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.
Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders. Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what we love just as often as we cook what the family loves. Even practices like asking for care from the family when we are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often we will entertain guests can be super helpful in the long run. We receive no productive outcome/s when we just about don’t do that and also keep constantly complaining.
But then there are many women that have been or are being seriously abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve; where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what one does. Some men clearly refuse counseling, mutual discussion or anything to do with healing the relationship. They may be in denial or in defensive mode and may even stay there forever!
Ultimately, you are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart what’s your truth and your sixth sense must be your best advocate. It knows! As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and follow the deep nudge, you are good to go. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant ones too! I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)
A POT OF ADVICE by ME
“The parents who think that they are staying in the marriage only for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.
If we stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then we are showing our children that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That to me, is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness!Killing our happiness by the fear of society or the fear of our children’s future is showing and teaching our children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership merely for the Sake of it. Pretence is never healthy.
Stay in a marriage for #Love, #Unity and #Companionship, our children need to see that. If we cannot show our children that, then we must show them LOVE by Being our Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to our children!”
~ Soul Food ~ by Coach Rima Desai ~ Happy Upcoming Mother’s Day!!