“How can you invest in yourself today for a promising tomorrow?”
– Life-Coach Rima Desai
Have you known anyone highly depressed, anxious and suicidal? Have you seen them completely transformed from that WITHOUT the use of any medications? I was once that – a totally depressed teenager with suicidal behaviors. But something drastically changed my life and it started with something small, a choice. Here is a VIDEO on SUCCESS, MIRACLES, LIFE!
Often times we get bogged down by people, experiences or situations that seem crippling or harsh. While has it’s way to whip us, we ALWAYS have a choice! To consider ourselves helpless at any point of life, is to ‘give-up’ on life and ourselves. On July 4th, I would like you to celebrate your HERO within.
Dr. Viktor Frankl – victim and survivor of the Nazi camp who was subjected to severe abuse in the camp, lost his family as well, has set the most extraordinaire example of Freedom and Psychology. Viktor Emil Frankl is the founder of logotherapy, which is a form of existential analysis, the “Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy”. Reading ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ at a very young age, inspired me and helped me facilitate the limitlessness I could find within myself. Below, I share a big, inspiring message with you all –
“If there is nothing I can change about the situation, I can change my attitude towards it” @ Create freedom in your thoughts. ~ Life-Coach Rima Desai
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, Working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to those feeling very stressed as Moms or having stressful marriages. It may sound funny and yet truly a Mom’s Daily Opera can very well be feeling like they are in a ‘Soup’. Being a Life-Coach for Women (Women Empowerment Coach), I get to see that a lot with my clients. To do or not to do? To say or not to say? To ‘stay’ or not to stay? To prioritize their lives or not? … endless thoughts…
Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, today I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet are Single Moms. I mean that hundreds of moms are the ones taking 80% to 100% of the responsibility of child care and home management. I also talk about the moms who were married and later became Single Moms. I fall more so somewhere in between ;)
It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even lack of freedom of thought!I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!!Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!
WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)
This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …
…An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.
Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb. In the womb, we receive our first teachings about re-living these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass then we pass them on to our children and future generations. Just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, diabetes, etc., it is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and then it gets activated when we encounter it socially.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??
This means serious good news!It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.
Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark!A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.
However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.
It is definitely not easy. It requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.
Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders.Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what we love just as often as we cook what the family loves. Even practices like asking for care from the family when we are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often we will entertain guests can be super helpful in the long run. We receive no productive outcome/s when we just about don’t do that and also keep constantly complaining.
But then there are many women that have been or are being seriously abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve; where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what one does. Some men clearly refuse counseling, mutual discussion or anything to do with healing the relationship. They may be in denial or in defensive mode and may even stay there forever!
Ultimately, you are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart what’s your truth and your sixth sense must be your best advocate. It knows! As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and follow the deep nudge, you are good to go. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant ones too! I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)
A POT OF ADVICE by ME
“The parents who think that they are staying in the marriage only for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.
If we stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then we are showing our children that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That to me, is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness!Killing our happiness by the fear of society or the fear of our children’s future is showing and teaching our children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership merely for the Sake of it. Pretence is never healthy.
Stay in a marriage for #Love, #Unity and #Companionship, our children need to see that. If we cannot show our children that, then we must show them LOVE by Being our Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to our children!”
~ Soul Food ~ by Coach Rima Desai ~ Happy Upcoming Mother’s Day!!
WARNING: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! Proceed only if you need all or any of these ;) Watch the VIDEO HERE
Isn’t it surprising how little kids today can use the word ‘stress’ so commonly. Is stress supposed to be in a child’s dictionary? No! But unfortunately, it is the truth of today’s world.
In this fast-paced, highly demanding world, it is easy to become the non-stop robot that does-does-does and never stops. Our bodies and minds have become machines that are constantly working even when we are asleep. No wonder, a lot of dissatisfaction fills us today. We are unable to give our mind and soul the food it yearns – silence and peace.
In my practice as a psychologist, Life-coach and kids mentor, I have found that more Moms and children stressed, depressed and anxious than have ever imagined. The stories you see on Facebook are most often a wonderful Façade. In fact, the best ones you see are the ones ‘hiding’ the most. I have found value in giving Moms quick, short exercises proves way more helpful than advice for meditating or for an entire life-style change all at once. It can be too scary to tell you to stop eating sugar, start sleeping early and keep a healthy routine. We know that most often it’s just not possible. Our day starts at night and goes on till the next night and it’s non-stop ;) Even in sleep we are planning how to go about ‘tomorrow’ and day after and planning 10 years ahead too! Haha. It sounds funny but I understand the stress totally. India, USA, Australia, no matter where we live, we want to give our family the best and yet we forget it is so important to PAUSE, RELAX and even RECEIVE or in other words, GIVE OURSELVES something too – especially time and appreciation.That is called ‘Mom’s Life’ after all. So what then can be the solution?
Here it is – your 5 Minutes to De-stress, 5 Minutes to Heaven! This exercise is a quick 5 minute exercise that can create a HUGE POSITIVE IMPACT quickly. All you need to commit is to do it twice a week. 10 minutes a week! Totally doable! And the best part is that you can do this exercise while bathing, driving, walking, in bed or just about anywhere. This exercise applies to any child 4 years + who is growing developmentally at his or her age level.
I call this exercise ‘THE ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE’. In our non-stop, fast pace, constant GO-GO-GO life we have often forgotten to verbally or consciously express gratitude towards the little things in life. Finding happiness in the small stuff, the fact that we have eyes to read this article, a functional brain to comprehend it, a family to share our joys with, a home to save from the cold weather, foot wear, roads to drive on to go to work, clean water to drink and the list can be a million things. By no means do I mean to reduce the importance of your struggles.
Only you can understand the pain that you are in with all that goes on in your life and yet for a few moments, we can choose to keep that pain aside just for 10 minutes in a WEEK and truly look deep into what our lives would be without all that we had and have! Hope you enjoy the video Moms and give me your take on this one.In what other ways do you express Gratitude towards all that you have?
It is great to know and say that I don’t need to say it, I already feel gratitude and yet it is like the “I Love You” which you love to hear your kids say to you. You know they love you and yet you want to hear it over and again, I do too! In the same way, the Universe wants to know what we love about it, what we are happy to have so that it can keep giving us that and more! Watch my video where I explain this exercise with ease.
Remember: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! And it can be practiced by children too.
Please note: This is meant to be a fun / funny post just for laughs but with an important message about True Love.
So they say life has its own course, its own say, destiny which cannot be over-ridden and yet they also say that when God showers riches onto you, be sure to take them for it may not rain again. My love story goes something just like that. I was 13, 1994, the typical BEHENJI – I had 2 perfect enemies – MATH & FRENCH. They were always on my mind. I couldn’t sleep, eat or breathe without them! I wonder where did God find the space for a Boyfriend.
I mean I was too naïve to understand the meaning of L-O-V-E or even infatuation. But it was – written – in my destiny: – That I would meet someone super smart, super handsome, with a super I.Q., super sporty, super artistic, all-rounder and someone living super far from me whose home I was destined to visit on the perfectly imperfect Summer. And that one day I would reject it all and walk off from a ‘pot-of-gold’!
So, he proposed to me without any words while his family sat around me, no one realized. My heart skipped 10 beats. It was the perfect age and reason to bid into that infatuation aka LOVE FLU. And then a super sad, long distance, no real relationship began. All the viruses were going to hit us harder now.
We had never held hands, we had no real love thing going on. But we believed it was the Ultimate Love Bug. At least I did. I sent him letters which I realized years later that they probably never reached him – the middle person or the postman seemed to enjoy all my romantic creativity (booohoooo). It just created more distance as I wondered why he never replied and he wondered why I would not wait to marry him.
He had gifted me a beautiful drawing of a ‘dulhan’ waiting at the balcony for her prince to arrive. When I looked at that drawing and heard him tell me to wait 6 years, my thought went something like this – “That is beautiful drawing but you must be out of your mind. I am not W-A-I-T-N-G for any prince charming. I’m dragging you on the horse right now and I am painting it white if it is not. Tell me yes or no!”
What is hilarious is that then he tells me – Have you ever thought how a plane flies? I was like “huh?” What would that mean? It would mean that his super intelligent brain was obsessed with science and technology and he wouldn’t marry me until he fulfills his BIG DREAMS. Bluh, I almost puked. I hated science! I was like OMG, this is getting worse!
So finally after 6 years I did break up, well there was nothing built in the 1st place, we never went out or had any romantic moments, it was just a silly ‘label’ we had given each other. But I still remember the look on his face when I returned all his gifts, letters and drawings. He was very sad and wondered what happened. I was super confused. He never replied to my letters, never held my hand, never took me out and now he was requesting to not break up??
You might think this was the end of the story. No. This is where the funny part of my story and the real sad news begins.
Goddess Laxmi visited me a decade later and said – Rima I had your pot filled with gold. Remember the plane thing your 1st boyfriend had told you? He made his BIG DREAMS come true, he chased them all out and won! Why did you not listen to me??? At age 30, he is now a super-rich, super famous guy and you are still figuring out life! Only if you never rejected his idea of understanding ‘how the plane flies’!!! Hahaha. Well, O no. I did not know Goddess Laxmi was hidden behind that important SCIENCE question. L-O-L ;) Just kidding.
In all good intentions, this is a ‘fun’ post just to make you all laugh. This is the truth and drama of life. My life has always had some crazy, unexpected adventures which feel very hard in the process but later deserve a great laugh. I am glad we departed early because I am the ultimate People Person and he is the ultimate Tech. guy. We wouldn’t make a good match at all.
He now has a beautiful, loving wife and kids. He met his true love and is living a successful life and that makes me super happy to see. LOVE should never be about MONEY or SUCCESS.
Love is all about finding each other’s souls and cherishing the best and worst of each other and life TOGETHER. It is companionship through and through. If you don’t feel that with anyone, don’t try to push through.
We haven’t met since then but have spoken and been sort of in touch. I still admire his talents and what he has achieved is admirable. Here, I can’t share more about him or about his extra ordinary story of perseverance but I can say that he continues to inspire me and the world!
Moral of the Story – Laxmi Ma could be hiding behind any plane or question! Ha ha ;)
Life is a journey they say, for me it was a journey from being born ‘FAT’ to staying ‘FAT’ no matter how hard I tried. Whatever I had lost, I had gained it back and even more within a few months or years. My family was super happy to have a chubby 9 lbs baby with white cheeks dangling around as ‘fun’ toy for everyone. L-O-L but did I know then that the weight would become the ‘horror’ of my life, my self-esteem and existence!
Being ‘fat’ in the Indian culture (India, Asia) is totally unacceptable. When we meet family, friends – current, old or new, the first greeting starts with a ‘weight tag’. If you have lost weight you get all the ‘wah-wahs’ (thumbs up), if you have maintained it, you get happily surprised faces gleaming half with praise and burning half with jealousy. But if you are anything like me, all you get is JUDGMENT! Major JUDGMENT, COMMENTS about your hips, thighs, stomach and lots of FREE, UNASKED for A-D-V-I-C-E! If you think this judgement came only from other women, you are so wrong. It would start with my Father, be extended to uncles, aunts, friends, siblings, everyone. Growing up I began avoiding family and people in my mind just because I was scared of the comment they had to make about my ‘body’, even my TEACHERS!!!!
Honestly, growing up without a mother was anything but fun. I had nobody to guide me to be honest. My aunts would come home, eat food and leave. Some of them were very kind, but no one was there to guide me toward HEALTHY eating, exercising, let alone help me with my DEPRESSION and GAD – Anxiety! While I was praised for my skin color, my sister was praised for her thin body. I was developing an inferiority complex that was only growing with age. My friends and cousins were thin but I could not seem to get over my ‘sugar cravings’. I DID NOT KNOW I was depressed, we could not afford money for FRUITS, I had no idea was an ACTUAL SALAD was. I was busy figuring out how to ‘survive’ amidst major financial situations, emotional starvation, pressure of school grades, lack of friends, major loneliness and a body that felt HORRIBLE. By 5th grade (10 years) I was already 57kgs!!! I had bouts of being slimmer (not slim just slimmer) and being outright ‘fat’ over the years.
I can go on with that story but at some point in 2005 I discovered how much I enjoyed exercising. I was always in to sports and was a tom boy but never had I been to the gym. I had a huge home to show the world but we did not have money anything close to spending on a basic monthly gym membership, buying any exclusive fruits, shoes or gym clothes! I started nevertheless, with some SHAME, some CURIOSITY. I was so lucky to have found an amazing instructor – Imran Sir who showed me how to use weights to tone my body and I became confidence like never before. I dropped from 61 kgs to 56 kgs, looked ravishing and soon got engaged. Life seemed just fine! …
… fast forward couple months. Married in a traditional family in East Africa, I was expected to do all house chores morning to evening and keep exercising or gyming the ‘last’ priority which wasn’t allowed to be checked marked most of the days. Eating sweets was a daily routine and choosing to eat anything beyond what was cooked was almost not an option. That is how most traditional Indian families are or were after all. I began gaining weight quickly. Fast forward… I slowly began to take charge of my life after the unexpected demise of my mother in law. I joined the gym, found another great instructor – JENNI. She was my angel in disguise. I shaped back to 59 kgs. Alas, that was temporary too!
I got pregnant and within a year, post my delivery I was 84 kgs!!! I was back to receiving comments, feeling ashamed, wanting to avoid social situations, unable to stop my sugar cravings no matter how much I tried. Being the person my dad and I have been, we eat more and binge more when depressed. I surely had it in my genes, all my parental aunts and my dad were heavy in their body and turned to sugar for busting stress but I wondered how did so many other Indian girls remain thin even after a baby and I didn’t!
5 years passed and I continued to range from 178 lbs to 181 lbs. I had moved from Africa to USA by then. Then one day, I had a wake-up call, I would say my Twin soul activated that within me. I was done being fat, feeling ashamed, socially awkward, rejected and outcast. For once, I started a weight shedding journey which was ‘SHEDDING’ not ‘LOSS’.
When we seek to ‘lose’ weight, we will ‘find’ it again at some point. When we seek to get done with it, shed it off, it’s gone forever. But what we need to know about that shedding is that more than the physical weight, what needs to go with it is the SHAME, FEELING OF REJECTION, GUILT OF EATING, VOICES OF OTHER PEOPLE, CULTURAL CONDITIONING and all the EMOTIONAL NON-SENSE that was built up and stored in our cells, bone marrow, aura, spirit and more. That was hence, the turning point in my body-weight journey.
By then I had been diagnosed with hypothyroid, the condition where weight shedding is very hard. But I was determined. I gradually cut down on and eventually gave up DAIRY PRODUCTS, DAIRY (except chocolate cravings that I had then), starting JUICING in my regular blender with ANY veggie combinations, re-began exercise becoming my own instructor (I could not afford paying one in USA). I also gave up the need to look good when I enter the gym but more than anything I BEGAN SERIOUS, INTENSE EMOTIONAL WORK. I began taking Guided Meditations, Hypnotherapy, Life-Coaching sessions to work through my FEARS, my SELF-IMAGE, how I related to my body, how I felt about myself and cried out many tears of the PAST NEGATIVE MENTAL SCRIPTS that I had internalized from the voice of other people and cultural expectations.
That internal, emotional work brought a huge transformation in the way I felt about myself, other women and about my life. I began relating better to my daughter, enjoyed my time with her, dropped my sugar cravings and found more ‘fun’ in life. All of this happened in 2015. Since then, even with major stress in my personal life with major life-changing very stressful events and having an even more complicated thyroid condition, I have managed to maintain that weight +/- 3 lbs. From 2016, I have stalled in shedding more weight simply because I suddenly had the stress and need to urgently start earning and supporting myself financially but what’s amazing is that despite working very long hours daily, major life-demands I have maintained my weight. The reason I have been able to do so is because I changed my EMOTIONAL STORY. I changed how much I would want to please the world and how much I would want to allow my fears to define my body.
I no more want or wanted to shed weight to ‘FIT INTO’ the world, I wanted to shed what made me feel good about my body. I wanted to do it at my own terms, pace and for myself. It has changed everything for me. I am not burning inside now looking at other women lose weight quickly. I am not wanting to starve myself or tell myself horrible statements for eating a couple chocolate squares. I love myself like never before.
I do have lot more weight to shed off and there is scope for me to do more EMOTIONAL WORK and PHYSICAL WORK on my body and spirit, yet it is not coming from a place of SHAME, GUILT or SELF-HATRED like before. My body does not define my emotions, life or self-acceptance. I accept my body and am okay if I don’t ‘fit’ into the society as per their expectations.
THIS IS ME 2 WEEKS AGO :)
Do you relate to this story? Does it move you or inspire you to DISCOVER YOURSELF, YOUR POWER and RECLAIM YOUR LIFE? Allow me to show you the GUIDED MEDITATIONS that you can do to shed that weight off your SUBCONSCIOUS MIND. You can never maintain your weight if you have a negative emotional story attached to yourself, your past or your body. BOOK YOUR FREE PHONE SESSION WITH ME HERE
I am rushed with disappointment and anger right now and this leads me to write this article. My anger is not only to this shocking incident questioning my cousin’s life but also to the woman who wrote a more dramatic version of my cousin’s death, on her Fb page. This incident occured in 2011, I shared a post a week ago and today one of my Fb friend has an ‘inspirational’ looking post but with so much of what sounds ‘nonsensically dramatic’. Are we women done beating each other down?
Before I share this incident, I want to ask you all, if I share that she did not want to marry her husband who was her childhood friend but finally married him because she felt persuaded, does it make you question her integrity? Is that what we women can ‘gift’ other women?!
I was in Tanzania, Africa. As usual we were out of electricity. My in laws were dining and I was in the kitchen, finishing up the dishes before it was time to retire for the day. The phone rings, my sister on the phone tells m e – “______ committed suicide_______” details follow… I am frozen with shock! Can’t believe it. Is it this same cousin who was so close to me several years ago.. the same girl who was always so affectionate, so full of live and so beautiful? 5 years ago as I got engaged and married, I left country and lost touch with her. I was surprised when one day I got the news that she finally married him after even breaking her engagement with him. I had passing thought why she did it but not the faintest idea that she was stepping into what news say was a ‘hellish’ place.What a misery that it seems like my cousin lost her life because she did not or wasn’t able to step up to the insensitive and greedy behaviour of her in-laws. But notice how I write “it seems”. There is no conclusive evidence so far and I was in a totally different country for several years to know any of that. Her name or the link to her news is not important. What is important to know is that as far as the news went, she was earning very well, was in her later 20s and hence capable of being independent. I know that the person she got married to was her childhood friend and she was doubtful about accepting his offer of converting the friendship to companionship. Alas, it hit her hard when she finally did!
While all the talk about her dowry, in laws coercing her for money, her great job position and the fact that her father refused to support her after her constant requests goes on, I wonder if there are any answers to some mysteries. Our family still questions if it was murder or suicide? I don’t know what truly happened but this incident and news raises some key issues in our Indian society. I ask all women to rise above ‘society pressures’. If your parents are unwilling to accept you, are too bothered about ‘log kya kahenge’ then do hell with them. Tell them that society will say that you were not a fit parent!!
Women, you no more need permission of your parents to leave abusive relationships, nor do you need to feel guilty or doubtful of stepping out of households where you are treated as a ‘commodity’ or with a ‘give and take contract’. I know today of a friend who lives with a highly abusive husband who curses her with the worst comments, hits her, drinks, abuses her in front of her family members, does not allow her to own and yet she wants to stay in the marriage because her parents want her to continue living with him, just because of “log kya kahenge!!!” Today we have multiple women empowerment centers, homes, places to turn to in times of need. I know that nothing can stop a woman once she makes up her mind. The immense strength we show in caring for others, we must show in caring for ourselves too! It cannot be harder to walk out of a monsterous home than to hear judgement from others for a few months. People talk, forget and accept. The ‘spicy talk’ lasts for a few days and burns out. This society needs more women leaders that step up to injustice and LET-IT-SHOW.
Will the society come to wipe your tears, to free your soul, heal your bruises? Such parents must be shameful of themselves for these are not what we call parents. Culture and tradition is good within limits but when it moves into orthodox rigidity where women are forced to bow down to injustice, gender bias, severe prejudice and abuse, we must reconsider our cultural ways. Is this want you want your daughters to grow up and hear from the news? Is it so important that if our kids do a love marriage, they must be held responsible if the marriage does not work out and furthermore if the in laws lash out torture and coercion? I do not know what happened to my cousin and my facebook post was a scream of pain to ask for help for someone who may be able to help me know the intricate details around her death.
Unfortunately, someone who I called my friend says that it makes her question the girl’s integrity and that I share information that is confidential. Really! Is it so hard for today’s modern world to accept that women have as much of a right to be loved as men? That women have a right to choose partners and deny if needed and that boys can be ‘just friends’ too. How sad that we can’t just get over pointing fingers at one another and then ask men to show us respect. Wake up women, if you want freedom, justice and respect, ask yourself if you watched an item song along with your boyfriend, ask if you thought of another woman as a ‘slut’ in your mind and if you play cheap tricks on other women, shaming them and even worse, exercise negative power against other women…Charity begins at home and so be it!
Umm, sugar is so yum. How can anyone have coffee or tea without ‘S-U-G-A-R’!! But it is also the most contagious ingredient and the biggest enemy of the heart! So let’s ‘manage’ it. Bring a balance.
1. DIAGNOSE IT CORRECTLY: sugar cravings are a lot more about something else and a lot less about ‘sugar’. We crave sugar for a reason other than the sugar. The sugar has a potential to give our brain ‘happy signals’ so what else is your brain missing which could bring the ‘Happy Feeling’? Love? Nutrition? Food when hungry? Relaxation?
2. EAT MORE DARLING: S-T-O-P starving!! It never helps, not in the short term and it 100% harms in the long-term. You rather eat 6 small meals a day every 2.5 to 3 hours than have 3 large plate-fulls.
3. PLAN AHEAD: What are you eating at the next meal? Decide before you wrap up this one. That way you are not scrambling for food when your stomach is screaming ‘Hunger’. What choices to make at the party / travel? E.g. eat ahead and then leave, pack health food, plan to visit places that give you healthy food options, etc.
4. SEEING IS BELIEVING: Our brain is so programmed to ‘see’ things before interacting with them. So let your brain interact with the healthy stuff more and you have won your battle half way through. Right now check what your pantry and snack drawer shows you when you open it? Do you see more sugar or more health? Also, keep your meals READY in See Through containers right at your vision.
5. ATTRACTION IS THE KEY: You are building a RELATIONSHIP with your food, so better make it attractive!!! While you decide on MORE salads, soups, oats and juices, add some nuts, seeds, cilantro, dates, raisins, strawberries or whatever your require to make your body CRAVE for the healthy food in the same way as it craves for the sugary foods.
6. RAKE THE FAKE: Rake out or throw away all your fake sugars – sugar free, diet cokes, Splenda, etc. are very harmful to our brain since they are more processed and contain essences or ingredients that are chemically harmful. You rather have a whole bar of chocolate with sugar in it than have one piece of sugar free chocolate. Your body can fight out the former much more easily since it is much less complex food!
7. CUT THE BRANCH: Stop ‘Hanging Out with your Guilt’ forever. You ate it, that moment is gone forever! You criticizing yourself, thinking about it a 1000 times, beating yourself up will not help one bit. Rather take a pen-paper, write your next goal, stick it on the wall
8. WHO ARE YOUR REALLY?: Ask the Sugar – “Who are you really?” Is the sugar your hurt from past relationships, resentment and bitterness towards your parents, partner or friends? Is it your habit from childhood to protect yourself or to make yourself feel better? Is it your way to relive your happy moments that you miss or just the lack of enough sleep?
9. SLEEP EARLY: Do this for 30 days in a row, sleep before 10.45pm and a 100% you will see a dip in your addiction, weight, stress and a growth in your health. Now, I am in the challenge too, I need to be accountable as well.
10. FOOD JOURNAL: My Dietician Anuvi taught me this in 2006 and it has been my savior whenever I put my mind to it. Note down every little thing you ate, in each of its amount and time of the day and run back on your notes each week. You will surprised how many times you told you mind – “I am only having a little bit” Food Journals have great ‘mirroring’ power, use it to your benefit.
11. KNOW YOUR FOOD: Carbs is also sugar. The chapatti and grapes are sweet tasting because they have carbs which convert into sugar in our body. Do your best to include more proteins, fiber and less sugary veggies in your diet.
12. BUNK THE CALORIES: In the 18 kgs I shed in a year, not once have I looked at calories. Eat clean carbs, more protein and some fats.
Article Credit: Inspired by Kathy – my once upon a time, Fitness Trainer Friend
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Who were we before our kids were born and even before we got married? Are there just millions of mothers who look at their college or pre-marriage picture and say – “I miss being that”. We would think, it is natural not feel like dressing up once we are moms and it is ok to not look as good because THERE IS NO TIME!!! But really, is that how our life needs to be? Not get enough time to brush our hair, just squeeze in our meals and eat the left-