PARENTING

The Whisper of an Invisible Star

“Dear Woman, a Mother is the one who removes the thorns from one’s heart with a whisper of Love. She is the feather that floats you from a drowning sea and the bucket of Love with seamless boundaries.

 At the moment you feel guilty for the mistakes you have done, resentful for what you haven’t, angry for what others did to your or sad for what you don’t have, simply lift your head up and walk up to a Mirror. Look at the person in front of you in the eye in that Mirror and say to her –

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For the times when you have been a Mother, for the millions of seconds when you have forgotten your needs for that of your child…

…for the days when you cried alone because you showered smiles at your baby,

…for the nights you awoke worried for someone else’s safety,

…for all that you have selflessly thought and done for your entire family,

…for the times when you haven’t cooked what you loved to fit the joy of the rest,

…for the times when your body hurt and you mustered the courage to go on and

…for a trillion of the billion seconds when you lived up to your duty to be a Mother, you deserve a shower of Love, a bucket of Hugs and Mountains of Flowers

…for you must know that you are not about what you sacrifice, what you feel guilty about, what you did not do right

…for you must care for yourself first, love yourself first, stop always putting the family first

…for you must start showing your children what love truly means, not sacrifice but filling your bucket, appreciating yourself, standing up for yourself, being true to who are and need, making powerful requests and drawing powerful boundaries from the irrational, sacrificial expectations others may have from you. 

…for you deserve to be as much a human being as all others, for we must transform what being a woman means and show our children a new future

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For today is that day like every other day when you get to Celebrate Who You are – a Mother. For you are the ultimate Angel in someone’s world, for you are the whole and the soul for them, for those little twinkling eyes and hearts you ignite with joy and hope every single day. For if you weren’t here, their world would be Dark and Lonely”. 

 

 
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And for that, just for that, Love Yourself Unconditionally. For you are the Divine, for you are a M-O-M! How lucky that you are, that I am, we are! For not a million dollars can win the innocence we experience every day, in the hearts of the purest, through the smiles of our little Angels. 

There are only 2 entities one can pray to. One is God and other is a Mother. While God teaches us Godliness, a Mom executes it every second”. <3

 
~ by Women Empowerment Coach Rima Desai
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Also read for Mother’s Day:

  https://theguidingstar.org/2018/04/23/dailysoupopera/

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PARENTING, Self-Awareness

To do or not to? A Mom’s Eternal ‘Soup’ Opera

   SINGLE MOM? MARRIED yet SINGLE??

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY in Advance. This post is dedicated to Moms, Stay-at-home, Working, Single or just simply M-O-M-S; Also dedicated to those feeling very stressed as Moms or having stressful marriages. It may sound funny and yet truly a Mom’s Daily Opera can very well be feeling like they are in a ‘Soup’. Being a Life-Coach for Women (Women Empowerment Coach), I get to see that a lot with my clients. To do or not to do? To say or not to say? To ‘stay’ or not to stay? To prioritize their lives or not? … endless thoughts…

Living as a Single Parent is never easy, I grew up in one. My mom died when I was 6. We were a family of 3 – My dad, my elder sis and me. While we had massive emotional struggles both individually and collectively due to a whole range of factors, today I talk more in terms of Moms / Women who are Married and yet are Single Moms.  I mean that hundreds of moms are the ones taking 80% to 100% of the responsibility of child care and home management. I also talk about the moms who were married and later became Single Moms. I fall more so somewhere in between ;)

It has been an interesting and eye-opening ride. I have found immense blessings in the decisions I have taken to free up my internal space, emotional space and sense of freedom for self-expression. It is funny how despite the democracies we live in, thousands of Moms / Women live in relationships where they feel total lack of freedom of self-expression, even lack of freedom of thought! I was that Mom for half a decade! I was that Wife for a Decade! I was that Woman for 3 Decades!!!! Now?? No more! I stepped up to myself, to my life, to my rights, to my child and our future!

 WEEKEND BONANZA?! Moms always get it for free ;)

This weekend has been one of those weekends so typical of being almost a Single Mom. From Friday evening my mind’s pool has been scuba diving into this dire need to write a life-shaking article and I finally get to it on Sunday night at 11pm! …

An article on how we women feel trapped and keep ourselves woven into this endless victim-hood cycle of the necessary sacrifice we MUST do for our family. I don’t mean to generalize this to all women, neither to just women, there are men too that suffer and sacrifice. Yet my focus in this article and in all the work I do as a Women-Empowerment Coach and Psychologist is towards all the Asian, Indian and other Moms who feel culturally hemmed by the rigid beliefs shoved down our throats (metaphor!), literally since our conception.

Yes, since conception! This is because several beliefs are passed on to us through our mothers, the emotions they feel, thoughts they have, any suffering they feel or behavior patterns they have are passed on to us in our womb. In the womb, we receive our first teachings about re-living these emotional patterns of Victimhood, Persecution, Martyr Archetypes, etc. and pass then we pass them on to our children and future generations. Just like any other inherited illness like varicose veins, thyroid, diabetes, etc., it is like a trademark or a tendency we carry with our soul and then it gets activated when we encounter it socially.

 

         SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??

This means serious good news! It means that we have way more control over our destiny than we ever thought or believed. The genes we carry can be energetically re-woven and socially insulated when we choose to alter our emotional patterns, behaviors and self-defeating beliefs. This can be done in several ways. The one most effective for me and thousands of other women has been COUNSELING, LIFE-COACHING, PAST-LIFE REGRESSION, HYPNOTHERAPY, SRP or FAMILY CONSTELLATION, SELF-HYPNOSIS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS, REIKI, etc.

Believe it or not, in the past 2 years I have opened myself up to ALL of the above therapies and used a combination of EACH and ALL of these therapies to fish out a new baby out of me – a new ‘Self-Identity’ I mean. A new way of thinking, feeling and living. I have TRANSFORMED 280 degrees and continue to move towards the 360 mark! A big proof to that is my TWIN FLAME ACTIVATION and this super powerful journey that I am in. A second huge proof to this is the quality of LIVE VIDEOS, presentation and confidence that so many viewers tell me I clearly depict! A third proof is that now, I facilitate the powerful transformation of others. I can go on with the list of success and transformation I and others have found in me since all the major healing I have done. Above all, the happiness that spills out of me is at a totally different level. Clearing up the Generational Pathology that Women in my ancestral weave have inherited was probably one huge sigh of relief.

However, Family Constellation, SRP and Past life regression has its limitations. In that, it can clear up negative, stuck energy and soul contracts and yet we have to do our Inner Work in clearing up our belief systems, be willing to confront our fears, shames, guilts and grief, face the hardest and show willingness to change. No one can change our destiny but ourselves.

It is definitely not easy. It requires one to sit on a wired fence with a fire at the bottom and a sword hanging above. What I mean by that is the ‘fear’ part of confronting a whole new life-style against societal beliefs. Most women chicken out because of the high risk of social taboos and probable social rejection. Courage is one thing I have, for I cannot be a Revolutionary, a Leader if I can’t walk the talk! How can I guide other Moms and Women onto a saner life and path if I can’t show what Speaking Up means, what drawing strong boundaries means while continuing to be kind and unconditional in one’s acceptance of self and others. How can I motivate and encourage you to alter your identity and life-style if I cannot question and confront harmful societal and cultural practices.

Don’t get me wrong. One does not always have to bat out of a marriage or take extreme measures. The aim is ALWAYS to be objective about the next best steps and the final goal. If one can spark the beginning of a two way street, it is the way to go. Sometimes just putting your foot down and stop being the door mat can do wonders. Women are so used to giving endless and feeling empty within, the man almost never realizes how much is being taken for granted. Often times the problem is with us. We need to give less and do enough for ourselves so that our bucket of Love and Joy does not drain out like cooking what we love just as often as we cook what the family loves. Even practices like asking for care from the family when we are ill or drawing a boundary on how much and how often we will entertain guests can be super helpful in the long run. We receive no productive outcome/s when we just about don’t do that and also keep constantly complaining.

But then there are many women that have been or are being seriously abused or ones that are on an endlessly one street dead end curve; where there is almost no hope for recuperation or any real love and cooperation coming from the man no matter what one does. Some men clearly refuse counseling, mutual discussion or anything to do with healing the relationship. They may be in denial or in defensive mode and may even stay there forever!

Ultimately, you are the best judge of your next steps. You know deep in your heart what’s your truth and your sixth sense must be your best advocate. It knows! As long as you can differentiate between your 6th sense and your logic, and follow the deep nudge, you are good to go. As for me too, you may need a lot of VALIDATION in the early steps, and constant ones too! I asked for it more and more, again and again from my experts and my true well-wishers and today I am anything but Thankful a 100 times and more :)

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                A POT OF ADVICE by ME

“The parents who think that they are staying in the marriage only for the kids are either having an excuse to run away from the fears of separation or are lacking perspective.

If we stay in a #marriage that harbors Bitterness, Harshness, Arguments, Lack of Love, Judgement and rejection despite all efforts, then we are showing our children that Relationships are a Burden and all about Bitterness. That to me, is not #Commitment, that is Foolishness!Killing our happiness by the fear of society or the fear of our children’s future is showing and teaching our children to do the same things in their future. It is Actually Killing their future to see a #Partnership that is Superficial, Contractual in Nature where both parents stay in a partnership merely for the Sake of it. Pretence is never healthy.

Stay in a marriage for #Love#Unity and #Companionship, our children need to see that. If we cannot show our children that, then we must show them LOVE by Being our Individual selves outside the Marriage. Sometimes #Divorce is Wisdom and a Gift to our children!”

~ Soul Food ~ by Coach Rima Desai ~ Happy Upcoming Mother’s Day!!

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PARENTING

FIVE WAYS TO MAKE YOUR PARENTING LIFE EASY

It is no surprise that parenting comes with huge lessons of ‘overwhelm’ – the common feeling shared by almost all parents if not all. Life feels like an overflowing fountain of ‘demands’ – not demands from children all the time but demands from life. Come to think of it, parenting is a wonderful SPIRITUAL JOURNEY. Many people do not completely understand the word spiritual. ‘Spiritual’ is anything that forces your ‘spirit’ to grow by having to go outside its comfort zone. Spiritual is anything that teaches us better values or to be a better version of ourselves. Having walked a wonderful parenting journey for 7 years and mentoring many parents through articles and direct conversation, I will like to share 5 simple ways to lessen that ‘overwhelming’ feeling and reduce your frustrations.

  1. Organize your home and learn management skills
  2. Prioritize social life
  3. Plan your career life
  4. Realistic expectations from your child
  5. Realistic expectations from yourself
  1. Organize your home and learn management skills – Organization is the master of leadership skills. A great leader is the one who has the skills to multi-task, prioritize, put things in order, stay focused and organized. Remember that being a parent is a lot about being a LEADER.

    What happens if your supervisor at work reaches work late, leaves work even later, doesn’t eat on time, has no proper places to file his work and has no idea what the day and week ahead will look like? Same is with you as a parent.

    One part of organization is your physical space: how well are your things and your kid/s things kept? Can you tell me in your sleep, where ANYTHING is kept without having to get up – whether it is anything in your kitchen, bedroom, dining, etc. Use organizing bins, trays, holders to make sorting easier. E.g. I place puzzles in zip lock bags, her stationery in a heavy-duty organizer on her table, soft toys in a laundry basket, all bed sheets in one drawer, a drawer for art work, one for miscellaneous items, one for puzzles, etc. My bedroom and kitchen is super organized too.

    Another part of organization is time management. How well are you with your routines? If you sleep and wake up more or less the same time daily, your life will be 80% better with your kids than you ever estimated. Your sleep-rest and body cycle has a huge impact on your mood, on your health and amount of energy you feel. Same is with your kids. Do not let them rule your routines, take charge, set time boundaries for them with T.V., eating, sleep, etc.

    What you feel, you transfer to your kids. Mentally plan your meals for the next day rather than having to wake up with a huge frustration question mark of – “Now what to cook today?” Standing in front of the kitchen cabinets, scratching your head over breakfast and lunch deals for the day is poor management. Think of every minute of your life as a great investment towards your kids. How many minutes do you want to waste and how many do you want to multiply?

  2. Prioritize your social life – Yes, we love to party and meet, greet and laugh. But Parenting is a lot about learning to make adjustments, compromises and changes in one’s life. Before my child, I would be out every Saturday and Sunday with husband and his group of friends. Once my child was born, not only did I have to change my routines for the 1st few months, but I made permanent changes to my social life.

    I don’t mean to say stop having fun but the AMOUNT and DURATION of your outings can be reconsidered. How much do you want to cook for your guests? Is it important to ‘impress’ them or to spend time with your children? Each day as a trade. When I plan a day in my mind, I ask myself- how many hours do I want to spend today with my child, based on that I make my other decisions. I may not be able to deny guests from coming home or having to attend parties but I surely DEFINE how much energy I want to put into preparations or having to stay at a party. My time with my child is not the time that is LEFT OVER after everything is taken care of, my time with my child is the 1ST thing I set aside or plan for the day and then everything else revolves around it.

  3. Plan your career life – Once again it is about need vs. demand. What do I demand from my life vs. what I need. For 6 years I dedicated my life, time, energy to my child because I CAREFULLY CALCULATED it this way – once she starts full time school at age 5, she will NEVER EVER AGAIN IN HER LIFE have a FULL WEEK with me at home. She will be spending more time at school than home and never again will I get to PLAN or SPEND 40 hours in a week with her. Hence, I rather set my career aside for those 5 years, even if there were financial challenges, I rather save money and my time with my child than give away that time to a stranger in a day care for whom she will be ‘one of the 20 kids’. That was my choice, you must make yours to what suits you bets. Do understand that time with your kids will never return and make a wise choice based on that along with all the other needs of yourself and your family.
  4. Realistic Expectations from your child – Would you rather have a ‘smart’ child who attends 5 or 7 different classes and tops in math, academics, dance, etc. or would you rather have a child who tops in ‘the language of love’. While classes can teach your child ‘skills’, sharing valuable time with the parent teaches the child invaluable lessons of love and self-growth. Exploratory play at home can be nurtured by the parent which teaches many skills to the child along with learning to build a bond, show and receive care, feel secure and important.  Also, not all kids are made for the ‘A+’ game. Grades is not everything and success is not correlated to grades alone.

    Don’t overburden them with expectations that their body or mind is not made for. Focus on their strengths, explore their talents and be realistic about their limitations. A rational and loving approach will make your parenting life easier, simpler and more successful.

  5. Realistic expectations from yourself – Now tell me that you do this – take over way too much than you can handle. You invite guests today and then accept the birthday invitation for tomorrow, then realize you had bought tickets to a party, then have groceries left to do, wish to be a super mom but also need to be super sexy, want a super skin, miss watching the latest movies and can’t stop browsing the entire world’s Facebook! P-R-I-O-T-I-Z-E !!!

Your kids do not need a super mom. Just be a M-O-M, that itself is great. Chose the top 5 important things in your life. E.g. here is my list:

  1. Spend at least an hour with my daughter on weekday and 5 total hours with her on weekend.
  2. Health – exercise 4 days a week, eat healthy 5 days a week, care for skin / hair twice a month (not the priority right now).
  3. Career – Advance in one’s career at a steady pace and build business slowly on the side.
  4. Socialize – Have an enjoyable outing 2ce a month if not more and call any close friends and family members every 2 weeks. (No receiving calls on weekdays or times when I spend with her).
  5. Learn – learn something new every month either from book, training, observation, etc. (No reading news or news channel, Facebook only to learn new skills).

I hope this article helps you settle down some of your frustrations and overwhelming feelings of parent-hood.

It is nice to be hopeful that life will continue well and it is wise to be realistic that life can change anytime! Make the most of today. Investment in your kids is the greatest investment you can ever make and that is not about how much money you invest in them or their future, it is about how much QUALITY INTERACTION you live with them in this very moment, HERE and NOW.

Also READ:

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parent of the month, Venting Our Feelings

The Biography of a Beautiful, Courageous Mother

Parent of the Month II (May 2015): LATE MRS. MAYA CHHEDA

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 Today: 14th May, is my Late Mom’s birthday – Mrs. Maya Chheda. ‘My Parent of the Month’ Series will be incomplete without her mention. I will like to dedicate this post to her with the intention that it will reach her wherever she is. I believe that she did a lot more for others than she received. I intend that with this post, her soul ‘hears’ that she is valued, loved, cared for, and MISSED by many of us even now; that I owe her my life and I Thank her for all the goodness that she instilled in my sister and me in early years. She passed away at an early age of 33 years and I missed out on learning a lot more things from her.

Today I was working at my laptop when suddenly my daughter began singing – “Happy Birthday to you…” Oblivious in my work, I asked her whose birthday was it? She ignored my question and continued singing in the end addressing it to her grandma (my mom). I was thrilled! :)

 

MOM’S BACKGROUND 

Mom was born in a large family of 10 children. She was the last of them all and sadly for her, she didn’t get a chance to even see her dad. Her father passed away when she was yet to be born.

The growing years for all the children including her were filled up numerous hardships. Her mom (my grandma) had to financially support the family and also look after so many children. Even though grandma was physically present, she was emotionally missing from mom’s life. Mom was brilliant in academics and she received support from her mom and siblings to study. She was about to finish her Doctorate but did not end up giving the very last paper!

In her own life, mom had considerable financial struggles while she brought us up. She did the best in giving us the love and support she could. There were times of severe financial difficulty and I heard from my elders that she would not eat a single slice of fruit because she would save them to give it to my sister and me.
From the vague memory that I have of my mom, I remember that she would have us recite religious prayers before sleeping, from a very young age. Those values which she gave me in the first years of life, did remain with me and I can say that they came to my ‘rescue’ in my dark times. It helped me immensely to have faith in God and believe in praying.

 “Wherever you are Mom, I want to Thank You for embedding religious and moral values in me at a very early age and giving us all the care and love you did. We cherish that and love you”.

Below are heart-felt shares from some of her family members:

NIECE

“I loved her a lot. She was very intelligent and religious. She had studied Jain religion in deep. She was an expert in cooking and her pani puri was the world’s best. I was very fond of her. She was my ideal and I always wanted to be like her. Your Mom always believed in equality between girl and boy. She never approved of gender bias and clearly corrected those who discriminate between their son and daughter. I still remember her saying that one should give equal love to all children. I am going to feel her loss all my life”.

  

BROTHER-IN-LAW

 “As her name suggests, MAYA, she was full of ‘love’. She was like a sister to me. She helped her sister (my wife) to get married in spite of her partial disability. She put an ad in Mumbai Samachar newspaper. Because of Sister Maya’s help, today I have a wonderful wife and daughter. 

She was the most beautiful person in the family by looks and by heart. She would treat guests as God and her sacrifice and love for the family was unmatching. She has helped my wife in many ways. When our apartment was getting painted for 9 days, she took my wife – her elder sister to her home forcibly because she knew her sister had allergy to paint. And in those 9 days of stay, even though Sister Maya had her own difficulties, she treated my wife (her elder sister) excellent. 

We all miss her a lot. Maybe God had a plan to have her meet her father in heaven and hence took her away from us so early. She has been a blessing and she has left behind 2 beautiful Angel Daughters. May God Bless her and Keep her united with all family members here and in heaven”.

 DAUGHTERS

 We mutually remember that Mom used to knit sweaters for us. She was super talented. And she always made our birthdays special by making THREE cakes for us. I clearly remember one of the Strawberry or Pink cake that she had made. It used to be Chocolate, Strawberry, and maybe Pineapple. We know that Mom loved us a lot and did many special things for us.

 I remember when I would go down to play without shoes and get hurt with nails from the playground or the times when mom would call us back home. She also taught us to help in the kitchen from young age as often her health would not be good.

  “Mom I always bake cake for your grand-daughter’s birthday and she loves it. If you were here today, I would bake THREE cakes for You! I trust that you are well wherever you are and may you celebrate that life with Love and Joy You were a very courageous person and you have passed that on to us. Thank You Mom for everything!”

from all of us :)

SISTER

 Maya was extremely talented and affectionate by nature. She was good looking, independent, and smart. – She was very fond of keeping a beautiful, neat,  and tidy home. Her interests and talents included cooking, stitching, and socializing. She enjoyed inviting people and was loved by her entire family because of her loving and generous nature. She had wonderful handwriting too. She loved her daughters immensely; even though she was strict with them in her discipline rarely have I seen a mother who loves her children so deeply.  I still resent the fact that she didn’t complete her doctorate and that she struggled a lot with her kids in the apartment she lived in. I always remember her sharing her wish to come to USA. Whatever I say about her will be less. She left behind a lot of memories in our hearts. Her sudden loss is a wound that cannot be healed.

SISTER II

If I have to sum up in just few words, I can say that Maya was my best friend.
When we were young we shared the same mattress to sleep together, knowing that we had a highly modest upbringing. We laughed, cried, fought, and confided in each other. Many a times she fought with entire family for me! She was the only one I could speak out my heart to about some things that I could not share with anyone else. I think I was v.protective about her. I miss her immensely!———

Thank You everyone for reading this article and for blessing her soul :) It is easier to write about others than to write about someone of your own. 

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parent of the month

The Biography of a Gracious Mother

This post is brought to you by Rima Desai

Parent of the Month (May 2015): MRS. PUJA RAMCHANDANI

Today on May 13th, I am fortunate to celebrate the most memorable birthday – The Birthday of my ‘Adopted Mother’! Haha, yes! I call her my adopted mother. Well ideally, she adopted me as a child just a heart-to-heart connection, no official adoption, etc. She my best friend’s mom whom I found in my college years when I was lost, depressed, missing a mom figure in my life. My biological mother died when I was 6 and (Puja Ramchandani) Mom came to my life as an Angel!

This is the bio of a Parent who has faced numerous challenges in life with the best of courage and smiles. Even though she lost her mom at a crucial age of 17 years, she turned that difficult phase of life into a powerful journey. She has taught many of us to LOVE unconditionally, and to pass through the fogs with might. She epitomizes the word ‘Mother’ esp. for me as I call her ‘Mom’. Welcome our Parent for May 2015 – MRS. PUJA RAMCHANDANI.

Dedicated to You Mom, from all of us!

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As a child, she was reserved, shy, and could not speak openly with her parents. After losing her mom, her elder sisters were there with her only for a few years. (In India, girls got married very early in those times). Her dad was strict and disciplinary. She learnt important values from him but it also created fear within her. Losing a mom at teenage feels like losing one’s spine. Not having guidance, and support, she turned out to be an innocent person. When she got married, she was scared to travel by the local trains. She would want to visit her sisters who lived in town, far from her home. Her husband helped her a few times but eventually she gathered the courage to go by herself.

She steered through the challenges of her newly married life and built great relations with everyone within the immediate and extended family. After finishing house work, in the afternoon, she would find time to experiment with new recipes and soon her recipes were the ‘talk of the town’. She was always identified as a person who took great care of everyone in the family, her in laws, her children, and many others.

Mrs. Ramchandani’s life called for sudden and heavy adjustments. Often the dynamics altered between joint and nuclear family. Both of the family systems have their grave challenges and imagine having to make arrangements in the home according to how the family structure changes. Over and again, she took care of extended family members who lived with her for several months and being a mother, I can understand how that impacts one’s daily family life. The beauty is that she embraced each situation and ‘change’ with grace! Each time it was a different type of adjustment required and she stayed up to it powerfully.

Personally speaking, I have seen the small house they lived in. Having two young children, the way in which she adjusted in that short space and yet made it into a beautiful home is admirable! Even though she had a lot of family responsibilities, she ensured her children grew up with fun. She encouraged them to participate in activities, competitions, sports, and academics while also caring for all the other family members. She has always been very involved in her children at all stages and given them all that she has missed in life. I have also witnessed the dedication with which she cared for her ailing, bed-ridden father-in-law for more than 8 years. I am in awe of her!

In her mid-life, her husband and son relocated to a new country in their need to support the family and take the upcoming opportunity. It was a massive change. The responsibility of finances, caring for the home, in-laws, and getting her daughter through with her education, all fell on her shoulders. At this juncture Mrs. Ramchandani came out even stronger than before. Like the saying goes – The difference between ordinary and extra-ordinary is the ‘extra’.

We have a lot to write about Mrs. Puja, but we have more to hear: heart-warming words from all of her children. Her son recently got married and now her family feels complete!

Son: NILESH (NEEL)

“Mom, you know I do not express much with words but you mean the world to me. You are the most amazing person I know. The things you do, not just for our family, but for everyone are greatly appreciated… You have given me strength, values, and love. You are the best chef of the world. Your food has healing powers! You are the Angel of our family Mom, Thank You for everything you do!”

Daughter: SARITA (HANISHA)

Mom has given me so many gifts by just being the person she is. She has given me ‘LIFE’ and an opportunity to be a part of GOD’S Manifestation and a bond which is going to last forever. I cannot thank her enough for all the lessons and values she has given me as a priceless treasure.

“Mom you lift me up and never let me fall. You see me through and you see the best in me. You inspire me to be a better mom. Most of all, I cherish your hugs. Even when you scold me, when we argue, I am learning something from you. I am grateful for all your teachings. You are the Miracle of my World. You have Shaped me to the best of me and You are the reason, I am me. I am blessed that God chose me to be your child, my love for you is infinite!”.

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Memories with You MOM:

  • Story time with you as a child; esp. the bedtime spiritual Gurbani was just so relaxing and every night you gracefully taught me to face life with courage and moral values.
  • You stayed up with us for studies and exams like it was your test. I still remember how you stayed up praying and studying with us in our crucial years. You made us coffee / milk to keep us awake. You were so involved with Neel and I that we felt our classes and projects were as much yours and our competitions were incomplete without you.
  • After Neel and Dad relocated, I saw a stronger, different person in you. Those days are memorial to me as we shared our tough times together adjusting and making sacrifices.
  • You spend an awesome time with Nishika; you make a wonderful grandmother!

5 Special qualities of Mom:

  • Very helpful: You go out of her way to help others
  • Compassionate
  • Multi-tasking
  • Active and energetic
  • Quick and spontaneous on any task
  • Forgiving – even when people do bad things to you, you move on without grudges
  • You create happy surroundings wherever you go
  • I appreciate your chirpy, jolly, and hard-working nature

Daughter-in-law: PRIYANKA (SIMRAN)

“Mom, I am lucky to be your daughter-in-law. You give me the strength and power to adjust in a new place and you also make me feel comfortable. Even though I am away from home, I feel at home :) You are a special person because of the priceless heart you have. You are so loving and affectionate!”

My special memory with you is our welcome dinner dance on the song – “Tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi”.

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Son-in-law: AMITH MELVANI

When I came to India before marriage, mom made me feel extremely comfortable and because of that I enjoyed my wedding shopping with them.

“Mom, this is the perfect platform to share that when Sarita and me needed you the most during my challenging times, you were super supportive; you helped us immensely even with relocating our store. I was very moved by that. Mom I have known you as someone with a heart filled with so much love for everyone. You go out of your way to be of help without bias, even if that person hasn’t been nice to you. I am fortunate to have your daughter as my wife because she has imbibed your forgiving and caring nature. By law you may be called my Mother-in-law but I relate to You as my Mother!”.

from all of us :)

from all of us :)

 Notes from me: RIMA


 Writing my heart out to ‘Mom’ can be the toughest thing for me because there is so much for me to express that a sea of emotions explode. I am grateful, I have received this opportunity from the Universe to write about Mom. After God sent her down to earth, he listed – “No more in production”. Sounds hilarious but she is the Only one of her kind. ‘Grateful’ is a very small gesture I can say to her.

When I lost my mom at 6 years of age, I grew up feeling ‘greatly deprived’. I had a lot of internal pain from hearing other children use the word MOM. I had no one whom I could call Mom and as simple as that sounds, it is extremely painful for a child. Many people would SYMPATHIZE with me but mom was the the only one who went a step further. I was a complete stranger to her. She didn’t know my family, had never come to my home, and knew nothing else about me besides that I was her son’s classmate in school. Our religions were very different too. In those times, not many would openly embrace a person from a totally different religion.

Unlike all others, Mom made me her ‘Daughter’ and allowed me, in fact, declared that I refer to her as ‘MOM’. There is no other gift I can receive that can be more PRECIOUS. After so many years of lull, it was hard for me to even speak out the word ‘MOM’.

Year 2005, India

Year 2005, India

For several years, I had nobody to talk to, nobody who loved me unconditionally, no one who cooked food of my liking. I craved all of this deeply and often cried several hours at night. From all the friends and family – tons of cousins I knew, I was the ONLY one who belonged to a Single Parent family. This feeling slowly got healed as Mrs. Puja (Mom) made for me a place of great love in her heart and home.

Mom would invite me at her home and hear all that I had to say. She would go out of her way to cook food of my liking, food that she hadn’t cooked before. Being a Jain by religion, I wouldn’t eat onions, potatoes, carrots, and garlic at all. Cooking food without these ingredients was a challenge because it was totally new and unknown to her. But she LEARNT to make my favorite vegetables EXACTLY the way I liked them. She made the most delicious BHINDI (OKRA) veggies – the taste of which from the year 1999 is still in my mouth! Who would do all this for a stranger?

The way she has brought up her two kids speaks volumes of her character, her courage, her strength and her love. I will fall short on words and space to write for her.

“Mom you are way too special to me and I there is no way I can repay You for all the love you have given me. In cold, screeching blizzards of my life, you covered me with a warm blanket that kept me going safe and strong! You came specially to my engagement ceremony, that meant a lot to me. Thank You Mom.

I am more than grateful and I sincerely hope God will give me a chance to SERVE YOU, to CARE FOR YOU in return. Your love, comes out in your food and in your talks. You are so much fun, so loving, spiritual, courageous, and such a sweetheart. I know it is not only me, you have opened your heart to many children, many people, and helped many more than we all even know. I am far from you since several years but yet, I haven’t felt that distance. Even if we talk once in several months, you are there, just the same.

I was happily surprised to know how much Simran knew about me even before I spoke to her. Thank You for introducing me to her, even in my absence… what more should I say?… My eyes are full with emotion. I am sure there is a great reason why my Mom’s bday and your bday are next to each other and why I met you in this life-time! Over the years, you have allowed me to be myself and loved me unconditionally. I remember how I used to save money and call you from phone booths to talk to you. I LOVE YOU MOM”.

Husband: VIDU RAMCHANDANI

Puja is a very cordial, loving, and caring wife. I credit her for raising mature, wonderful kids and adjusting gracefully when both of us had to be away. She is very affectionate and very well organized in caring for the home and entire family. I am lucky to have such a loving and caring spouse who has blessed my family with her presence.

“Puja, you are the perfect wife and the perfect mother. I admire you for who you are!”

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This post is brought to you by Rima Desai Copyrights reserved ~  Will love to have your comments and likes to this post. https://rimadesai.org/

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Also read: https://theguidingstar.org/2015/05/14/www-lettertomymom-com/

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Parent-Edge Magazine Articles by me

Fun with Phonics: Teach Phonics in a Fun Way (Re-post from ParentEdge)

This is a RE-POST of my article from The Indian Magazine: ParentEdge: http://parentedge.in/fun-with-phonics-teach-phonics-in-a-fun-way/

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Ideal Age: 3.5 years – 6.5 years

It is fascinating to see our children grow through their different phases and one such thrilling phase is when they begin to put words together into sentences. Next, they begin picking up sounds of letters to make more sense out of them.

In simple words, learning Phonics is about learning the sounds of each letter so that they can be put together to make a word. This means that instead of rote learning CAT with the letter C, A, T, the child would learn to ‘develop’ the word CAT by saying the sound of each letter as in C-A-T. Today we will learn simple exercises to boost your child’s phonic awareness in powerful ways.

I want you all to know that the activities I list here are the activities I do with my daughter sincerely and many of the activities in my articles are MY OWN ORIGINAL ACTIVITIES which came about with the need for ‘creative play’ with my daughter to teach her more by spending less!

Magnetic lettersACTIVITY ONE: The first step is to get your child interested in the alphabet per se. We need a magnetic surface and magnetic letters. Place toy letters on the fridge top or a magnetic surface to attract your child’s attention. Playing A-B-C nursery rhymes and showing them letters in their environment makes them more aware that letters give meaning to our world. When we are waiting for our train ride, or parking at the airport, my daughter and I have fun playing I Spy and spotting letters.

ACTIVITY TWO: We need lots of blank white paper, a dark color marker, and some cello tape. We are going to write names of simple objects around the home and then stick the paper on that object. E.g. Write DOOR in big bold letters and tape the paper on any door. Same with Fridge, Wall, Chair, Table, and so on; this helps your child associate words and letters to objects in their environment and learn spellings at a later stage.

spelling objectsspelling objects 2

ACTIVITY THREE: We need some wooden plain blocks, (preferably rectangular) and a marker. Along with your child, write the name of each of your family members on a block. Encourage your child to place that name block on the dining table assigning each family member a place to sit. This way the child learns to spell names and gets more involved in mealtime preparation.

Another alternative: take more blocks and write one letter on one block to spell out names of all family members. This is an advanced version in name spelling and can create a lot of fun for your child especially if s/he likes challenges.

Below you can see I have used the same block to write both words on opposite sides. This way my daughter learns the spelling of and associates both the words. Similarly, you can take 3 cubes and write M on one, O on the other and M on the 3rd one to help them spell it out literally by themselves.

spelling block

spelling block 2

ACTIVITY FOUR: This is my daughter’s favorite activity. We began it when she was 4.5 years and now 7 months later she enjoys it just as much.

We need – pencil, paper, eraser, you and your child in a place comfortable enough to write.

Pre-requisite: Child must know sounds of each or at least some letters and must know how to write them.

Aim: To help your child spell a word, write it, and then draw a picture of it.

How to: You will begin by thinking of a word, let’s say STAR. You will now tell your child that you are going to spell out the word for him / her by saying the sounds of each letter in your word. Begin with ‘S’ (just make the sound of S, don’t say S). Your child has to guess which letter it is and write that letter on the paper. Next letter is ‘T’ (Just the Tah sound) and so the child guesses and writes T. In this way, you finish S-T-A-R and then allow your child to guess what the word if. If s/he cannot get the word, you say it for them by putting the sounds together like ‘St’ ‘ar’  = Star. Now s/he must draw a star in any way s/he can.

Remember, it is ok if the word letters and pictures are not aligned or in order. The presentation is not important here, the learning is!

Below is my daughter’s paper at age 4.7 years. She spelled and guessed all of the words below and drew pictures. Mostly we do this when I am cooking in the kitchen, she sits nearby, and we enjoy the game together. spell testMy other articles from ParentEdge magazine:

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