WARNING: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! Proceed only if you need all or any of these ;) Watch the VIDEO HERE

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Isn’t it surprising how little kids today can use the word ‘stress’ so commonly. Is stress supposed to be in a child’s dictionary? No! But unfortunately, it is the truth of today’s world.

In this fast-paced, highly demanding world, it is easy to become the non-stop robot that does-does-does and never stops. Our bodies and minds have become machines that are constantly working even when we are asleep. No wonder, a lot of dissatisfaction fills us today. We are unable to give our mind and soul the food it yearns – silence and peace.

In my practice as a psychologist, Life-coach and kids mentor, I have found that more Moms and children stressed, depressed and anxious than have ever imagined. The stories you see on Facebook are most often a wonderful Façade. In fact, the best ones you see are the ones ‘hiding’ the most. I have found value in giving Moms quick, short exercises proves way more helpful than advice for meditating or for an entire life-style change all at once. It can be too scary to tell you to stop eating sugar, start sleeping early and keep a healthy routine. We know that most often it’s just not possible. Our day starts at night and goes on till the next night and it’s non-stop ;) Even in sleep we are planning how to go about ‘tomorrow’ and day after and planning 10 years ahead too! Haha. It sounds funny but I understand the stress totally. India, USA, Australia, no matter where we live, we want to give our family the best and yet we forget it is so important to PAUSE, RELAX and even RECEIVE or in other words, GIVE OURSELVES something too – especially time and appreciation.That is called ‘Mom’s Life’ after all. So what then can be the solution?

Here it is – your 5 Minutes to De-stress, 5 Minutes to Heaven! This exercise is a quick 5 minute exercise that can create a HUGE POSITIVE IMPACT quickly. All you need to commit is to do it twice a week. 10 minutes a week! Totally doable! And the best part is that you can do this exercise while bathing, driving, walking, in bed or just about anywhere. This exercise applies to any child 4 years + who is growing developmentally at his or her age level.

I call this exercise ‘THE ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE’. In our non-stop, fast pace, constant GO-GO-GO life we have often forgotten to verbally or consciously express gratitude towards the little things in life. Finding happiness in the small stuff, the fact that we have eyes to read this article, a functional brain to comprehend it, a family to share our joys with, a home to save from the cold weather, foot wear, roads to drive on to go to work, clean water to drink and the list can be a million things. By no means do I mean to reduce the importance of your struggles.

Only you can understand the pain that you are in with all that goes on in your life and yet for a few moments, we can choose to keep that pain aside just for 10 minutes in a WEEK and truly look deep into what our lives would be without all that we had and have! Hope you enjoy the video Moms and give me your take on this one.In what other ways do you express Gratitude towards all that you have?

It is great to know and say that I don’t need to say it, I already feel gratitude and yet it is like the “I Love You” which you love to hear your kids say to you. You know they love you and yet you want to hear it over and again, I do too! In the same way, the Universe wants to know what we love about it, what we are happy to have so that it can keep giving us that and more! Watch my video where I explain this exercise with ease. 

Remember: This exercise shifts your vibrations quickly and very powerfully! It creates DEEP IMPACT, in a super short time and changes vibrations of your body, mind, spirit – health, emotions and soul and improves your relationships, abundance, sense of well-being, reduces stress and more! And it can be practiced by children too.

Much Love, Rima Desai

Self-Awareness

Top 12 Ways to Beat Your Sugar Cravings

Umm, sugar is so yum. How can anyone have coffee or tea without ‘S-U-G-A-R’!! But it is also the most contagious ingredient and the biggest enemy of the heart! So let’s ‘manage’ it. Bring a balance.

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1. DIAGNOSE IT CORRECTLY: sugar cravings are a lot more about something else and a lot less about ‘sugar’. We crave sugar for a reason other than the sugar. The sugar has a potential to give our brain ‘happy signals’ so what else is your brain missing which could bring the ‘Happy Feeling’? Love? Nutrition? Food when hungry? Relaxation?

2. EAT MORE DARLING: S-T-O-P starving!! It never helps, not in the short term and it 100% harms in the long-term. You rather eat 6 small meals a day every 2.5 to 3 hours than have 3 large plate-fulls.

3. PLAN AHEAD: What are you eating at the next meal? Decide before you wrap up this one. That way you are not scrambling for food when your stomach is screaming ‘Hunger’. What choices to make at the party / travel? E.g. eat ahead and then leave, pack health food, plan to visit places that give you healthy food options, etc.

4. SEEING IS BELIEVING: Our brain is so programmed to ‘see’ things before interacting with them. So let your brain interact with the healthy stuff more and you have won your battle half way through. Right now check what your pantry and snack drawer shows you when you open it? Do you see more sugar or more health? Also, keep your meals READY in See Through containers right at your vision.

5. ATTRACTION IS THE KEY: You are building a RELATIONSHIP with your food, so better make it attractive!!! While you decide on MORE salads, soups, oats and juices, add some nuts, seeds, cilantro, dates, raisins, strawberries or whatever your require to make your body CRAVE for the healthy food in the same way as it craves for the sugary foods.

6. RAKE THE FAKE: Rake out or throw away all your fake sugars – sugar free, diet cokes, Splenda, etc. are very harmful to our brain since they are more processed and contain essences or ingredients that are chemically harmful. You rather have a whole bar of chocolate with sugar in it than have one piece of sugar free chocolate. Your body can fight out the former much more easily since it is much less complex food!

7. CUT THE BRANCH: Stop ‘Hanging Out with your Guilt’ forever. You ate it, that moment is gone forever! You criticizing yourself, thinking about it a 1000 times, beating yourself up will not help one bit. Rather take a pen-paper, write your next goal, stick it on the wall

8. WHO ARE YOUR REALLY?: Ask the Sugar – “Who are you really?” Is the sugar your hurt from past relationships, resentment and bitterness towards your parents, partner or friends? Is it your habit from childhood to protect yourself or to make yourself feel better? Is it your way to relive your happy moments that you miss or just the lack of enough sleep?

9. SLEEP EARLY: Do this for 30 days in a row, sleep before 10.45pm and a 100% you will see a dip in your addiction, weight, stress and a growth in your health. Now, I am in the challenge too, I need to be accountable as well.

10. FOOD JOURNAL: My Dietician Anuvi taught me this in 2006 and it has been my savior whenever I put my mind to it. Note down every little thing you ate, in each of its amount and time of the day and run back on your notes each week. You will surprised how many times you told you mind – “I am only having a little bit” Food Journals have great ‘mirroring’ power, use it to your benefit.

11. KNOW YOUR FOOD: Carbs is also sugar. The chapatti and grapes are sweet tasting because they have carbs which convert into sugar in our body. Do your best to include more proteins, fiber and less sugary veggies in your diet.

12. BUNK THE CALORIES: In the 18 kgs I shed in a year, not once have I looked at calories. Eat clean carbs, more protein and some fats.

Article Credit: Inspired by Kathy – my once upon a time, Fitness Trainer Friend

Image Credit: Flickr found on Google images.

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PARENTING

THE TEMPER TANTRUM MYSTERY SOLVED

When parents come to me frustrated – having ‘tried’ everything they could for their child’s TEMPER TANTRUMS, my heart goes out to them. Parents are innocent to the extent they do not know what is really happening. After knowing if parents do not take appropriate action then we can call it irresponsible behavior on the parent.

UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM BEFORE JUMPING TO THE SOLUTION

The reason why nothing works is because we have not understood the problem correctly or completely. Jumping to a solution without knowing the actual problem never brings results. So what is the actual problem when a child shouts, screams, stomps, acts stubborn? The problem is in the way we perceive the child’s behaviour. We believe the child WANTS to be difficult, needs that cookie or TV time and that’s why the child is wrong.

NO. 1

The truth is that the child is looking to fulfill another EMOTIONAL NEED through this behaviour. Not all children throw temper tantrums and anyone who sells you into the TERRIBLE TWOs idea is not completely right. Tantrums are a way for kids to express EMOTIONAL PAIN. It is an emotional wound. What would you do when your child had physically hurt, really badly? Would you not rush to soothe your child and do a remedy with ‘LOVE’ vs. criticizing?

NO. 2

Our children scream and shout because and only because they see OTHER ADULTS scream and shout, most likely one or more of their immediate care givers. We have taught our children that ‘shouting and screaming is THE WAY to solve problems’. It is not their fault. They are only imitating us! Think again before you show them CARTOONS, NEWS, TV SHOWS that portray VIOLENCE and POWER as a means of problem solving or ‘winning’ over the good or the bad.

NO. 3

It is human nature to scream or shout when one feels overwhelmed from the situation. It is the ultimate height of frustration.

Children get frustrated because they feel misunderstood. They do not have words in their mental dictionary to recognize and say – “I am stubborn for the cookie because IN REALITY I am feeling LONELY or UNWANTED…” It is for US to understand what the underlying emotional need is. Maybe they were ill-treated in school or they feel criticized by other adults. Maybe they feel rejected or simply miss spending time with us and our personal attention. Have you been way too B-U-S-Y lately?Maybe they are being ‘abused’ in some way. We are their only support. Please let us understand our children. A child who regularly or often throws temper tantrums is in IMMEDIATE and URGENT EMOTIONAL NEED.

NO. 4

We must accept that we throw tantrums as well! If we don’t accept our mistakes and improve, neither will our children. We shout, scream, get angry at our children and others. Even if we don’t anger our kids, they watch us communicate with others. They learn by seeing us with others as well.It could be that you are facing tough situations at home, at work or through your in-laws. That is understandable and yet, it is our duty to get support for ourselves so that we can raise children in a stable manner. Some ways to VENT out our frustrations and anger are: Pen it down on paper, talk to a friend who will be non-judgmental, take coaching or counseling sessions (very helpful), play sports and exercise, improve eating and sleeping habits, discuss with your family members how they can improve and support you, move out of highly stressful situations or jobs, etc.

Going to counselor or a coach does not mean something is wrong with you or that you will be ‘CORRECTED’. It means that you deserve UNCONDITIONAL and NON-JUDGEMENTAL SUPPORT and CARE along with expert advice.

 

 

No. 5

Take time out. Understand yourself. Be observant. When your pressures are rising and you are about to hit the frustration mark, let your kid/s know that you are feeling ‘OVERWHELMED’ and need to calm down before you continue the conversation (no matter how imp., take a break!). Tell them that you will come back to them once you are able to calmly talk to them.

Same for your kids. Encourage your kids to take time off saying that it will help YOU understand THEM better when they are calmer. They can choose their CALM SPOT in the house beforehand and a favorite soft toy or God to talk to. Allow them that silence and even privacy if needed (Make sure they don’t lock rooms or other adults don’t go after them).

 

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No. 6

Attending to our kids doesn’t mean bowing down to all their needs. And an angry child doesn’t mean a child who wants to be DIFFICULT or MEAN.

Do you shout at your child because you enjoy being difficult, mean or harsh? If your answer is NO, same applies to your child. Children don’t want to ‘get into trouble’. Nobody likes being criticized. They are in serious emotional help and if their IMMEDIATE care givers cannot give them the sense of security, who will? As parents, we are the epitome of a SECURE WORLD FOR THEM. If they don’t get it from home, they will never get from anywhere!

On the other hand, let’s say your child is truly ‘out-of-hand’. That your child truly wants to manipulate and ‘get things out of you’. Yet, once again here you the parent have set that behavioural theme at some point. The child has LEARNT that I can get things out of my parent/s if I cry, throw fits, etc. Once again the problem is not with the child but with the parent who thinks “Jaane dete hai. Bechara bahut ro raha hai”. This is the ‘Easy way out approach’.

In reality, often times you don’t want to give in to the child but it is easier than dealing with the drama. If you could stay firm yet polite means clearly state, repeat and then stay silent with the same ‘mantra’, it would help you send the right message to your child.

E.g. – “No matter how you show me your anger, it is not T.V. day today.. However, I would love to spend 10 mins. (or more) of hide and seek (or anything you like) with you. I miss it so much. Tell me when you are ready for it. I will wait for you in my room until then”.

No. 7

In our original Hindu Scriptures it is clearly written that not only should children respect elders but elders must ALSO respect those younger to them. It is also stated that when an elder person is wrong, a child has the right to correct them. These shlokas are said out during pujas like Satyanarayan puja and if the pujari is wise, he explains it too!

It is sad that our culture today only teaches and even FORCES kids to RESPECT adults and by respect they mean – “Never correct your adults”. On Janmashtami Day I want to spread this message. Lord Krishna is our perfect example who has taught us that wisdom does not come with age in one birth, it comes with the age of the Soul which can be way wiser than any adult and that one must also stop adults with wrongful behaviour/s.

I hope this helps! There is a lot more about Anger Management and Tantrums but this is the basic, most important foundation to it!

Image Courtesy: Google images

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