PARENTING

THE TEMPER TANTRUM MYSTERY SOLVED

When parents come to me frustrated – having ‘tried’ everything they could for their child’s TEMPER TANTRUMS, my heart goes out to them. Parents are innocent to the extent they do not know what is really happening. After knowing if parents do not take appropriate action then we can call it irresponsible behavior on the parent.

UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM BEFORE JUMPING TO THE SOLUTION

The reason why nothing works is because we have not understood the problem correctly or completely. Jumping to a solution without knowing the actual problem never brings results. So what is the actual problem when a child shouts, screams, stomps, acts stubborn? The problem is in the way we perceive the child’s behaviour. We believe the child WANTS to be difficult, needs that cookie or TV time and that’s why the child is wrong.

NO. 1

The truth is that the child is looking to fulfill another EMOTIONAL NEED through this behaviour. Not all children throw temper tantrums and anyone who sells you into the TERRIBLE TWOs idea is not completely right. Tantrums are a way for kids to express EMOTIONAL PAIN. It is an emotional wound. What would you do when your child had physically hurt, really badly? Would you not rush to soothe your child and do a remedy with ‘LOVE’ vs. criticizing?

NO. 2

Our children scream and shout because and only because they see OTHER ADULTS scream and shout, most likely one or more of their immediate care givers. We have taught our children that ‘shouting and screaming is THE WAY to solve problems’. It is not their fault. They are only imitating us! Think again before you show them CARTOONS, NEWS, TV SHOWS that portray VIOLENCE and POWER as a means of problem solving or ‘winning’ over the good or the bad.

NO. 3

It is human nature to scream or shout when one feels overwhelmed from the situation. It is the ultimate height of frustration.

Children get frustrated because they feel misunderstood. They do not have words in their mental dictionary to recognize and say – “I am stubborn for the cookie because IN REALITY I am feeling LONELY or UNWANTED…” It is for US to understand what the underlying emotional need is. Maybe they were ill-treated in school or they feel criticized by other adults. Maybe they feel rejected or simply miss spending time with us and our personal attention. Have you been way too B-U-S-Y lately?Maybe they are being ‘abused’ in some way. We are their only support. Please let us understand our children. A child who regularly or often throws temper tantrums is in IMMEDIATE and URGENT EMOTIONAL NEED.

NO. 4

We must accept that we throw tantrums as well! If we don’t accept our mistakes and improve, neither will our children. We shout, scream, get angry at our children and others. Even if we don’t anger our kids, they watch us communicate with others. They learn by seeing us with others as well.It could be that you are facing tough situations at home, at work or through your in-laws. That is understandable and yet, it is our duty to get support for ourselves so that we can raise children in a stable manner. Some ways to VENT out our frustrations and anger are: Pen it down on paper, talk to a friend who will be non-judgmental, take coaching or counseling sessions (very helpful), play sports and exercise, improve eating and sleeping habits, discuss with your family members how they can improve and support you, move out of highly stressful situations or jobs, etc.

Going to counselor or a coach does not mean something is wrong with you or that you will be ‘CORRECTED’. It means that you deserve UNCONDITIONAL and NON-JUDGEMENTAL SUPPORT and CARE along with expert advice.

 

 

No. 5

Take time out. Understand yourself. Be observant. When your pressures are rising and you are about to hit the frustration mark, let your kid/s know that you are feeling ‘OVERWHELMED’ and need to calm down before you continue the conversation (no matter how imp., take a break!). Tell them that you will come back to them once you are able to calmly talk to them.

Same for your kids. Encourage your kids to take time off saying that it will help YOU understand THEM better when they are calmer. They can choose their CALM SPOT in the house beforehand and a favorite soft toy or God to talk to. Allow them that silence and even privacy if needed (Make sure they don’t lock rooms or other adults don’t go after them).

 

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No. 6

Attending to our kids doesn’t mean bowing down to all their needs. And an angry child doesn’t mean a child who wants to be DIFFICULT or MEAN.

Do you shout at your child because you enjoy being difficult, mean or harsh? If your answer is NO, same applies to your child. Children don’t want to ‘get into trouble’. Nobody likes being criticized. They are in serious emotional help and if their IMMEDIATE care givers cannot give them the sense of security, who will? As parents, we are the epitome of a SECURE WORLD FOR THEM. If they don’t get it from home, they will never get from anywhere!

On the other hand, let’s say your child is truly ‘out-of-hand’. That your child truly wants to manipulate and ‘get things out of you’. Yet, once again here you the parent have set that behavioural theme at some point. The child has LEARNT that I can get things out of my parent/s if I cry, throw fits, etc. Once again the problem is not with the child but with the parent who thinks “Jaane dete hai. Bechara bahut ro raha hai”. This is the ‘Easy way out approach’.

In reality, often times you don’t want to give in to the child but it is easier than dealing with the drama. If you could stay firm yet polite means clearly state, repeat and then stay silent with the same ‘mantra’, it would help you send the right message to your child.

E.g. – “No matter how you show me your anger, it is not T.V. day today.. However, I would love to spend 10 mins. (or more) of hide and seek (or anything you like) with you. I miss it so much. Tell me when you are ready for it. I will wait for you in my room until then”.

No. 7

In our original Hindu Scriptures it is clearly written that not only should children respect elders but elders must ALSO respect those younger to them. It is also stated that when an elder person is wrong, a child has the right to correct them. These shlokas are said out during pujas like Satyanarayan puja and if the pujari is wise, he explains it too!

It is sad that our culture today only teaches and even FORCES kids to RESPECT adults and by respect they mean – “Never correct your adults”. On Janmashtami Day I want to spread this message. Lord Krishna is our perfect example who has taught us that wisdom does not come with age in one birth, it comes with the age of the Soul which can be way wiser than any adult and that one must also stop adults with wrongful behaviour/s.

I hope this helps! There is a lot more about Anger Management and Tantrums but this is the basic, most important foundation to it!

Image Courtesy: Google images

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Young Dad Appreciation of the Month

Anthony Nguyen – April 2015

This article is brought to you by Rima Desai ~ Copyrights reserved. It aims to appreciate young dads for their contribution in caring for their kid/s. 

ANTHONY NGUYEN – April 2015

Anthony Nguyen is our 2nd dad today for Young Dad’s Appreciation for this month. His toddler son is telling us a fun story about how Fantabulous his Dad is. He is celebrating his Dad’s 30th B’day on April 4th!

a 2 Congratulations Daddy! You have been selected as Month April’s Super Hero. You must show the world your extra-ordinary tricks. All the other boys keep saying that their dad is a Super Hero – Super man, Spider Man, Flying Man ;) but I can tell you my dad is truly a Ninja!

 Ninja Dad

Okay you guys think I am kidding right? Alright I’ll tell you what.

I know all the things that makes my Dad great. At least once every day he changes my

Diaper

and often he lets me roam in it too… because he knows that it unleashes my power within – ‘Freedom from Pants Power Roooarrr’. He has changed more than

365diapers in the last one year! And while changing my diaper, he wont mind if I shower him with my love. He is ‘Cool’

 yo

Dad also knows how to change my

clothes without even holding them. He makes them fly! You must watch him do it: One kick and my shirt is off, another kick and my shirt is on… yesterday he even cut his cake like that (Umm… I mean the shoe hit the table and the cake sliced with the table earthquake… something like that… haha)

an. ngy

Do you know why I am not the Dentist’s best friend? Because my dad tooth brush my teeth, at least 5 times in a day. No, really! and if they still look not as white, he takes a few drops of paint and ….. O I was supposed to Shh that. O boy..

Thanx to dad I smell so good – he remembers to shower me at least once a week + he can give me a bath almost anywhere. He says it is ‘TRUE CREATIVITY’

b

He remembers to trim my nails when they begin looking like Dragon paws

nal

Now did you say my dad is not a Ninja?!

nt

Anthony Nguyen

Anthony Nguyen

Dad You are so Awesome, I decided to write you a message in the Sky for everyone to see

hb

a

 

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Parent-Edge Magazine Articles by me

Holiday Art – A magic art for kids from Scrap!

This article has been written by me and re-posted with permission from Parentedge: http://parentedge.in/holiday-art-create-from-scrap/

Christmas or any another festival, we humans pretty much imitate the busy activity of a beehive during festive seasons. However, before the crowd attacks the shopping centers, newspapers speak out the Christmas Cheer loud and clear as a flurry of toys, lights, and gifts decorate flyers and pamphlets. Since I like to use everything to its best capacity, I could not think of throwing away the big heap of paper that came through my mail. And this is how a new art project was born.

Activity: A Simple Art Project, 45-60mins

Age group: 4- 6 years with parental help; 6 – 10 years independently

What you need

  1. A large piece of cardboard or plain white paper
  2. Markers
  3. Glue sticks or glue
  4. Newspapers / flyers with any images related to Christmas or toys
  5. Scissors
  6. Trash can
  7. Curious kids

Learning Focus

Creativity, imagination, organization skills, fine motor skills, competitiveness, spatial reasoning, decision making.

The Plot

You can chose either ‘The Christmas Theme’ or ‘The Toy Theme’ or mix the two!

It is best to have two kids do this activity side by side to add a competitive spirit. Kids will have 60mins to complete the project. Their aim will be to create for themselves, a special room on the canvas or paper you provide. They will do this by choosing, cutting, and pasting the pictures from their own pile of newspapers. They could use markers to decorate their room and create any theme. It doesn’t matter if the snaps overlap, as long as each one is seen clearly and a minimum of 20 pictures have been used. They should use their imaginations to generate this special room as if it was real, a part of their real home. In fact, you can title your kids ‘Interior Designers’ for this fun project.

How to

Collect all the newspapers and sit down in an area with enough room to spread the papers. Before you call the kids, filter the papers by yourself. Make sure there are 15 – 30 pages of newspapers  / flyers that have photographs related to Christmas or toys. For example, a page showing decorative lights, a Christmas tree or an ornament, is worth saving. One that has a few toy cars, kids playing in a dollhouse or pretending to be supermen are excellent too.

Creating art projects from old newspapers

If you are calling on friends or siblings for a project competition, make two different piles, relevant to each one’s age. I had a 9-year young with my 4-year young, which means the older one got a lot more newspapers to work with simply because she would be faster and more independent. I wanted to keep the curiosity as well the challenge alive for each one.

Once you have the newspapers sorted, spread out a large cloth / sheet / plastic to work on the floor. On that spread out the large white paper or cardboard and all other necessities in equal quantity for each child. Then, call the kids.

The rules

It is time to announce the rules. Let each child know that the competition is only in two aspects – to use everything that is given and to complete the project on time. Make it clear that there is no competing for better or worse. You won’t be judging the final project and putting a label of good or bad; rather you will see how well they use the resources given to them within the set time limit. Assure them that you are around for any back up or support. The ultimate aim is to LEARN & HAVE FUN. Read ‘The Plot’ section above to announce the rules.

Christmas Art from old newspapers

Art projects from scrap paper

Art for young children from scrap paper

Recycled art projects from old newspapers

Art projects for kids

This picture above was created by Kapila Khare, 9 years young. She made the toy room of her dreams!

Now that you know this activity has so much to teach your child (check above in the section titled ‘Learning Focus’), you can use this project with different things.

Here are a few ideas

  1. Save boxes of cereal, cookies, croutons, ready-to-eat packs, lentils, etc. Cut out food pictures from there and challenge kids to make a food chart. Use the classification of healthy vs. unhealthy or fats/ proteins/ carbs. Activate your creativity, parents!Example
  2. Save pictures of produces (fruits and vegetables) from several articles. They could make charts to classify fruits and veggies or ones they like vs. don’t like or even organize by the color or texture.
  3. Use your vacation photographs, vehicles, environment, or pictures of different roles that people play in the community.

All you need is a pile of newspapers and a watchful eye!

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