PARENTING

IS TIME RUNNING OUT OR ME?

This article is for moms who feel OVERWHELMED by the vast demands of their roles as wife, mom, daughter in law, employee where there is no room for self-care. I have been there, done that and have emerged with healthy solutions and BOUNDARIES for myself. I share those practical, super cool tips from my practice as a LIFE-COACH that work a 100% at improving the quality of your life, give you more time, more energy and much less ‘stress’ in your day to day living.

I CAN SPEAK FROM BOTH ENDS –STAY AT HOME AND WORKING FULL TIME. FOR 4 YEARS I WAS A STAY AT HOME MOM, completely dedicated to my daughter but the ‘expectations’ of the husband and family from a stay at home mom are ENORMOUS! The most common response – “Sara din karti kya ho”. Initially the tigress within me would roar with anger but eventually with time I realized it is useless, men think in one gear, one direction only. So I then I knew with time, how to humor it out like in my mind I would be saying something so inappropriately funny to him like “balcony ki deewar par zhadu leke dance kar rahi thi” but we know that we work at home is endless.

A YEAR AGO I STARTED FULL TIME WORK, she was going to be in 1st Grade then aND THE USA LIFE IS HORRENDOUS IN ITS DEMANDS because I am not the mother who cooks food for 7 days in advance and cleans home once a week. I like cleaning the home every 3 days, car every week and cook at least a fresh dinner. Having to exercise, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, prepare lunch for next day, help daughter with 1.5 hour of H.W., drive her to classes, do daily religious prayers, write articles and build a business on the side. There are no helpers to help whether we are sick, have overtime work, guests or not.

SO GIVEN THAT THERE IS SO MUCH TO MANAGE AS A MOM HERE ARE SOME PRACTICAL TIME MANAGEMENT TIPS:

Majority people don’t realize that we spend 3 – 5 HOURS in a day on Facebook NewsFeed and WhatsApp groups, brooding over other people’s lives, unnecessary videos and forwards.

  • S-T-O-P LOOKING INTO OTHER PEOPLE’S NEWS FEED, display pics and family pics. When you look at someone else’s life their life is taking away time from your life!!! (UNLESS it teaches you something valuable). You can spend time either honing your life such that everyone will want to keep looking at yours or waste your time looking at how ‘cool’ someone else’s life is.

 

I use Facebook primarily to share my articles, grow my skills or my business. I spend no more than 10 mins. a week on Fb newsfeed mainly for death, new born or important announcements.

  • CHOOSE TOP 5-7 PEOPLE WHOSE NOTIFICIATIONS YOU WANT TO FOLLOW, unfollow all others. That way your NewsFeed is filled with news of people you VALUE the most.

 

  • STOP SHARING LINKS, ARTICLES, FORWARDS. You spend up to 20 mins. a day doing that, use that energy to hug your child, assimilate photographs or finish a quick workout!

 

  • PULL OUT OF UNPRODUCTIVE WHATSAPP GROUPS that don’t add to your lifeline, health and peace of mind. Some people read and forward quotes and health messages daily. How much of it do we actually practice and implement?

 

  • LIST 12-20 VALUABLE PEOPLE OF YOUR LIFE. That way you are not spending time writing HBD and HA to tons of other people on Fb and WhatsApp every month, people that won’t influence your life in any way. Remember that people who love you, will love you no matter whether your wish them or not.

 

  • FIND OUT WHAT KEEPS YOU SO HOOKED ON FACEBOOK OR CALLS? Take a moment of silence with yourself and ask yourself if you feel LONELY, EMPTY or feel you have a MEANGINGLESS LIFE. Do you feel jealous when you look at other people’s progress or wonder how everyone’s happy and you are not? These are indicators of ‘emotional wounds’. A Life-Coach can show you with fun games and exercises many ways to heal your hurt and create a life that makes you feel fulfilled.

 

  • START YOUR DAY WITH PRANAYAM, YOGA, AUM MEDIATION, not with text messages to people back in India, friends and family. A few minutes of silence goes a long way for great physical and emotional health.

 

  • KEEP ONE DAY OF A WEEK OR 2 HOURS IN A WEEK TO CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ABROAD – the people who dearly miss and wish to connect with. That way you know how much time you are utilizing and where. Remember that the amount of time you spend talking over the phone or texting daily, that time you could spend to hone your skills to build a million-dollar life, million-dollar health or invaluable family time.
  • The amount of time you spend writing super emotional and heroic posts to wish your husband and kids on Facebook, IS WORTH ACTUALLY SPENDING WITH THEM IN PERSON.

 

  • ORGANIZING YOUR DAY IS SUPER IMPORTANT ESPECIALLY FOR STAY-AT-HOME PARENTS. It is easy to get swept away by laziness, “I’ll do it later” thinking. Set your day with cooking, exercising, other routines with specified time lines like ‘finish all cooking by 10am. Exercise 11am – 12pm, etc.’ Check Facebook once a day at bed time or a fixed time so that your day and thoughts are not CONTROLLED BY FACEBOOK!

 

  • SET PRIORITIES OF YOUR LIFE. On a paper make 3 columns: Most Urgent Needs, Immediate Needs, Needs that can wait and list them down. Check how your day to day actions are helping you fulfill these needs. You will be surprised at how much time is taken away by Needs that can wait while your urgent needs are being ignored.

 

  • MARK APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES. What does that mean? IT MEANS STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER. Most of the ‘gyan’ I blurted about Facebook and WhatsApp in the above pointers is all about creating BOUNDARIES around your life and you such that other people do not take over your time and energy so that you feel more in CONTROL of your choices and life. -Say NO to a friend when you know that you need that time to exercise.-Attend 2 instead of 3 events on a weekend so that you can finish groceries and house chores. -Split with your husband in attending events for your kids so that you can turn takes doing work and having fun. -Balance out the amount of fun and work that is taking over your time. -Sometimes people are unable to say “I need to hang up” or feel guilty for NOT calling a friend.-Know that your life needs your attention before anyone else’s life does. Guilt has no place there. -REMEMBER THAT PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU, WILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT, even if you don’t call them as much, don’t go out with them or can’t help them to the extent they need.BE NICE, HELPFUL AND KIND FOR SURE BUT THERE IS NO NEED TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF, YOUR WORK AND PEACE OF MIND FOR IT. Do what’s within your reach, not beyond it.

    PRIORITIZING, ORGANIZING AND MARKING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES IS THE KEY TO MASTERING TIME MANAGEMENT AND MULTI-TASKING, USEFUL IN BOTH BUSINESS / WORK AND HOME LIFE. IF YOU CAN DO THAT, YOU HAVE GOTTEN THE RECIPE OF SOME OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD.

 

 

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parent of the month

The Biography of a Fearless Parent

~ Copyrights reserved.

Parent of the Month (July 2015): Deepak Chheda: aka ‘BHAISHREE’

“The waves of the sea tide high and low to test the strengths within you. They rise up high to see if you can fly when you cannot swim. They bow down low when they know that you shall glow even through a whole bunch of grey clouds!” ~ Dedicated to Dad by Rima D.

It is tough enough to be a Parent, think of being a Single Parent to two young girls with no real career or earning to begin with. In a NEED TO GET INSPIRED?! Read how this parent fearlessly faced all the challenges that life hunted him with…

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Dad was just about to be 34 years when Mom’s sudden demise struck him with immense shock and grief. Then, he had an older daughter at 9 years and me at 6 years. Call it trauma or chaos, he not only had two daughters to care for but also an immense financial burden.

I still remember the day when I was wondering why people all around me are all dressed in white and why they are all crying. What would I understand at 6 years of age? One of the following day, there was an exaggerated silence in our extended living room. Dad was sitting quiet on the 2-3 seater sofa we had – the only furniture that accompanied the long room. Everything seemed empty, not only our hearts, but also our home, and it felt like even the dead living room was crying to be more ‘busy’. I was wearing my white and red two-piece night dress with red hearts on the pockets, beautiful frills. It was my favorite dress. I asked dad – “Where is mom?” He sat there with no response. I can only imagine, how life’s painful demands must have blown upon dad like a loud, commanding trumpet that shakes us from our dearest dream. But he made it through…!

I have seen Dad take heavy loans in an attempt to give us just basic living. We lived in a huge home which was granted by grandpa but besides of that, we literally struggled for even basic clothes or good food. People judged us from the home we had and thought we were rich. We also lived in a suburb that belonged to the elite class since grandpa built his home there and we had cousins that were truly very well off. Our family was socially knit and religiously driven. Hence we had several rituals to attend many times in a month and when all of this is put together, dad had a lot to keep up to: The worry of building his business from scratch, educating his daughters while on a heavy loan, having someone take care of us after school (since school ended by 1pm);  get us enough clothes to keep up with the family and religious rituals, have maids to help us with house work – which was always a huge challenge, and a lot more… I remember his tears and worry when his very own close family members wanted to snatch our home and have us come on the streets. Dad had a legal battle to win to save his two daughters from being homeless, I remember that day when, the little child became his parent and said – “It will be okay dad” but inside my heart, I was hurt, scared, in anger. I remember tons of days of darkness, sadness, struggles in our lives where dad had to fight many social, emotional and financial battles…

I don’t think even a 100 pages can suffice for what I would want to express or vent you may say. I can say that no matter what faults others find, I can vouch for what he did right! In spite of massive financial burden and almost no support from outside, he gave us the best education. He put us in the most competitive and expensive school in one of the most elite areas of the prestigious Mumbai City!

That education has today led me to be this person who is writing on this blog, serving the community, and build a personality that can adapt to any cultural backdrop across the world. I haven’t had a problem conversing in English and interacting with the general public across different countries. My School played big role in it!
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I am honored to have learnt some amazing things from dad:

  1. Excellent Organizational Skills: Until date, I haven’t met anyone who can beat dad in his organizational skills.

  2. Social Skills: Over the years, I saw dad as very sociable. He was friendly, helpful and was quick to make them feel comfortable and good about themselves.

  3. Hard work and the value of being Responsible: Maybe there are people more hardworking than my dad or maybe there aren’t! I cannot owe him enough to teach me this important value. Dad gave his best swim across the tough tides of life. He never backed from his responsibilities even when he had several strong enemies in his business and life. I witnessed him face them all with great courage.

  4. God-fearing and religious – Dad exposed us to deep religious knowledge of Jainism and its rituals. Sometimes it felt like it was too much for a child but today I cherish those experiences and knowledge. It has imparted great wisdom and strength into me. He believed in God and taught us values like being kind, never eat animals, etc.. By belief in God and by modelling courage, he taught us to be Brave and Optimistic in life.

  5. Skills with Kids: Dad is just super with kids. He did great in having cousins stay overnight, arranging games and activities with them, teaching us in fun yet educational ways, entertaining the younger tots, etc. I subconsciously learnt a lot about playing with kids by watching dad over the years.

  6. Have the Faith: Dad taught without the use of words, that having faith and having an optimistic ‘expectation’ out of Life, always leads us to a ‘good’ place. He always taught me – “Never fear”.

  7. Strong cultural roots: I learnt to interact with elders, be courteous, be rooted to my homeland, to my religion, culture, be curious of other cultures, etc all from dad through his wise advices and by observing him.

  8. Business Skills: I have observed him to be an honest, fierce and powerful businessman.

I have learnt a lot from him and still continue to. No parent is perfect and no parent should be, because all that matters if we are bonded with ‘Love’. Love makes it Perfect.

“Dad I am Honored for all that I have learnt from you. You deserve all the success that is coming to You for Jee and me know how much you have invested into us and into life! We love You Unconditionally and so do your Grand-children”. Also, a Big Thank You to Jinal di for participating in this and for being a great sister through and through all the years till now”.

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Elder Daughter: JINAL

“Whatever I am today is only and only because of my Father. A highly organized person and extremely dedicated to his duties he has brought us up in a very cultured and disciplined environment. Playing the role of a mother and father is not easy. We have seen hardships he has faced in order to raise us so diligently. Spiritual and honest in his ways, he has given us a strong base to face the outside world. He always wears a smile and his simplicity adds a charm to his personality.

He can be like a child with his grandchildren and mold himself easily to his surroundings. Words are not enough to say or justify what I owe to him. Also Dad, Sarthak receives so much joy learning and playing with you”.

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A sincere and heartfelt ‘THANK YOU’ to you Dad for all that you have done for us. Love You!

        HBDD

BHAISHREE’S PARENTS – My Grandparents :))

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BHAISHREE’S ACTIVITIES

Dad continues to live independently by himself since 9 years now. He is as active as before but is living a simpler and a much more religious life now. He is now fiercely active in the Jain religious spectrum with his organization https://www.facebook.com/pages/International-Jain-Foundation-IJF-Mumbai/

He is working towards creating more awareness of and support for the Jain Sect. His recent, Jain event in Mumbai was embraced with a huge sucess. He is commonly and respectfully referred to as ‘Bhaishree’ by all who know him in recognition of the work he is doing for the Jain Community. This name has been ‘gifted’ to him by a Jain Monk.

 
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